Children today are told dependent on computer and electronic entertainment.It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree.

It is true that

children

Use synonyms

love to spend more time on

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

and other

electric

Use the right word

electronic

show examples

entertainment. So, it would be a great idea to encourage them towards playing outdoors. I agree with

this

Linking Words

notion. I think engaging in outdoor activities helps to stay healthy, increase their

socialization

Use the right word

socialisation

show examples

, learn

skills

Use synonyms

and relax their minds when they are involved in physical activity. One of the main reasons for spending time outside is that

games

Use synonyms

are beneficial for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individuals to stay fit and healthy. As per the research from Public Health Canada, mostly youngsters who are aged between 12 to 17 years

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

are facing overweight problems

due to

Linking Words

their unhealthy lifestyle.

That is

Linking Words

why

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

it is essential for them to participate in at least one physical activity per day for their

wellbeing

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well-being

show examples

Additionally

Linking Words

, participating in

games

Use synonyms

helps them to increase

socialization

Use the right word

socialisation

show examples

and make friends when they are outside of their comfort zone and open up to them freely

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

is significant for their emotional development.

Moreover

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

can learn valuable life lessons and

skills

Use synonyms

when they engage in any

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

activity.

Games

Use synonyms

promote interpersonal

skills

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such

Linking Words

as communication, co-operation, teamwork, leadership

etcetera

Punctuation problem

, etcetera

show examples

. By having these

skills

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

can not only boost

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their confidence level but

also

Linking Words

pursue a career when they show their interest and curiosity in a particular game.

Furthermore

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

often feel tired and upset because of their academic pressure

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

games

Use synonyms

can relieve

this

Linking Words

burden. Spending time outside can improve

child's

Correct article usage

a child's

show examples

mood and relax their

minds

Fix the agreement mistake

mind

show examples

as well.

To sum up

Linking Words

, undoubtedly, technology is advancing rapidly

whether

Punctuation problem

, whether

show examples

they are for educational or entertainment purposes. But I think

children

Use synonyms

should be motivated to stay healthy, make connections, improve their social

skills

Use synonyms

and

lessening

Wrong verb form

lessen

show examples

their academic pressure when they actively participate in

games

Use synonyms

kaurjagdeep2097

Jul 12, 2025

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Task Response

Try to provide a more balanced view by addressing possible counterarguments, such as the benefits of technology.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the flow of ideas by using clearer linking words or phrases to connect your points, like "firstly," "in addition," or "finally."

Content

The essay presents clear arguments in favor of outdoor activities, focusing on health, socialization, and skills development.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

depend
computer
entertainment
encourage
spend
time
outside
playing
sports
games
agree
disagree
harmful
health
fit
socialize
friends
emotional
development
valuable
skills
teamwork
discipline
leadership
mood
reduce
feelings
stress
anxiety

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