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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying, and more time doing sports/physical activities. Do you agree or disagree

Being a parent requires a lot of dedication and love. You have a raise a child from their first day as
newborn
Correct article usage
a newborn
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 until they are completely
grown - up
Use the right word
grown-up
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. They should be a provider and a role model to their kids so they can make better decisions. I disagree that parents should encourage their children to spend less time
in
Change preposition
apply
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studying and spend more time on sports and activities. I am
firm
Correct article usage
a firm
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 believer that studying can bring you to places
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it can
also
Linking Words
 be your good foundation for career and character development. In school, they teach students about math, science, home economics and history. They learn
how
Rephrase
apply
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about numbers, environment,
socialization
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socialisation
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 and a lot more. Education is the baseline
of
Change preposition
for
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 building a good member of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For example
Linking Words
, when you buy items that you
puchase
Correct your spelling
purchase
 in a grocery store,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you have to sum it all up. You can easily determine how much are the total because you studied addition at school. Another example would be, you learned that apples can only thrive in countries with cold weather, if you try to plant
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in a warm
country
Punctuation problem
country,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will not grow and die. These are the advantages of focusing
in
Change preposition
on
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 studies. I would
also
Linking Words
 have to agree
in
Change preposition
on
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 spending time outside because it can encourage youth to be physically active. Sports can be a great way
in utilizing
Change preposition
to utilise
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 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 to increase productivity and health. It can
also
Linking Words
 be an advantage to interact with more people and to enjoy the environment. Some examples are, children can enjoy running around the parks and being free from all the stress of studying. They can
also
Linking Words
 enjoy the sun and the grass. It can
also
Linking Words
 give them a safe space where they can mingle with their same age.
Lastly
Linking Words
, they can build and strengthen their relationship with their peers
with
Change preposition
through
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 lots of interaction. In conclusion, I would have to agree to studying frequently because I value the knowledge and power that it gives. If you know what you're doing, it will be
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for you to excel in your chosen field.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. State your main point directly at the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs focus on one main idea to help with clarity.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points better.
task achievement
You have a good understanding of the topic and present your view clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your thoughts well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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