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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
The charts compare the mean proportion of three types of nutrients consist of typical meals, which
probably
Verb problem
are probably
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 unhealthy if over-eating.
Overall
Linking Words
,the
american
Fix capitalization
American
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 people consume the
sodium
Use synonyms
 and the saturated fat mostly in
dinner
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 the added
sugar
Use synonyms
 is the
majiority
Correct your spelling
major
 addition in the
snacks
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,the breakfast contains
the
Correct article usage
a
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loweat
Correct your spelling
low
 quantity of the nutrients listed. In terms of the
sodium
Use synonyms
 and the saturated fats,the
dinner
Use synonyms
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
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 for the highest share of 43% and 37%,respectively
.
Punctuation problem
,
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followed by the lunch,which takes up 29% and 26%.The proportion
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
that
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 breakfast and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
 represent
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 equal in
sodium
Use synonyms
,at 14%,
while
Linking Words
 regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
saturated fat ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
 account for together,which is equal to the figure of the
dinner
Use synonyms
,at 37%. As to the added
sugar
Use synonyms
,it's clear that
americans
Fix capitalization
Americans
show examples
 take in which mostly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
 ,at 42%.
What'more
Correct your spelling
What's more
,the distribution of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in the three main meals is the most
euqal
Correct your spelling
equal
,around 20%，which is 16%，19%,23% in detail,
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,the
imbalabce
Correct your spelling
imbalance
 in the content of the
sodium
Use synonyms
 and the fat during
dinner
Use synonyms
 may be unhealthy to life，let alone the high consumption of
snacks
Use synonyms
 with
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, dinner, sugar, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
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