IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries the number of visitors to art galleries has been steadily declining. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to improve the situation?

Around the globe,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of individuals going to exhibition halls are going down
due to
Linking Words
 technological advancements and the
interest
Use synonyms
 loss for the
arts
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved with a few factors ,
along with
Linking Words
 educational classes for the younger generation in
this
Linking Words
 specific field to improve the
interest
Use synonyms
 in
humanities
Correct article usage
the humanities
show examples
, naturally resulting in more guests. In the century of technology, educational institutions are preferring more math-based subjects rather than creative lessons, having
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
 towards
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, more than 80% of schools in Mongolia do not have classes relating to fine
arts
Use synonyms
. Over time,
this
Linking Words
 has resulted in the decline of
interest
Use synonyms
 in the field since students are forced to solve mathematical problems, leaving no room for curiosity about artistry.
However
Linking Words
, if the government sets a requirement for institutions to have at least 2 hours of fine
arts
Use synonyms
 classes every week, the percentage of visitors in art galleries will increase.
For example
Linking Words
, when our school started having an art subject twice a week, the
interest
Use synonyms
 in painting and sculpture went up drastically.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, my classmates formed an annual hangout session at art galleries every few months to acknowledge the artworks of local artists.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, if annual craftsmanship competitions are expanded and promote aptitude, individuals will be more active, resulting in an understanding of the field. In conclusion, even of visitors visiting galleries is decreasing over the years because of the lack of promotion and understanding of artworks.
However
Linking Words
, it can be improved by the support of the government and an increase in competitions to make the next generation more interested in the humanities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects logically to the others.
task response
Provide a more detailed conclusion that wraps up your main points clearly.
task achievement
Use more examples to support your ideas and make them clearer.
positive
Your introduction clearly states the problem and provides a hint about solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: