These days people prefer to watch live performances on TV or computer, online rather than go to the place of that event. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the digital era, the trend of digital viewing
performances
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has become increasingly
rather
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popular rather
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than live venues.
While
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some
people
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argue that live venue attendance remains
more
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apply
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better,
i
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I
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completely agree with the online viewing
performances
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because digital
platforms
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often provide significant
convenience
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and offer practical
accessibility
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. On the one hand, the most significant advantage of online viewing
performances
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is
its
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their
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positive impact on
convenience
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. Digital
platforms
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allow
people
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to enjoy
a
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an
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entertaining show from home without travelling or spending money on tickets.
This
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cost-effectiveness and flexibility particularly benefit busy
people
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or
low-income
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the low-income
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community.
For example
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, a busy employee in Jakarta can stream a world-class concert on
Youtube
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YouTube
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at night after work.
In contrast
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, attending the same concert in New York would require
expensive
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an expensive
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flight, hotel, and ticket.
Additionally
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, online
paltforms
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platforms
operate 24 hours, so viewers can watch anytime and can
also
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pause for a break.
This
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convenience
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makes entertainment much more practical for modern lifestyles.
Furthermore
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, the excellent
accessibility
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for diverse
audiences
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is another positive impact of online
platforms
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. Digital
paltforms
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platforms
break down geographical and physical
limitation
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limitations
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that prevent some
people
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from experiencing live venues.
For instance
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, a person with physical disabilities in a rural area can enjoy a world-class opera show on streaming online with native-language subtitles.
Moreover
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, online
platforms
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serve elderly viewers and international
audiences
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for
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as
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major
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a major
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cultural venue.
This
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accessibility
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ensures that high-quality entertainment reaches diverse
audiences
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. In conclusion,
although
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live
venue
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venues
show examples
retain some essential
advantage
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advantages
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, the online viewing
performances
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provide superior
benefit
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benefits
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for
audiences
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'
pratical
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practical
convenience
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and
accessibility
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need
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needs
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could be more directly connected to the question. Consider stating your position more clearly at the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas better. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', or 'finally' to help the reader follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to check spelling and word choice. For example, 'better' should be 'best', and 'paltforms' should be 'platforms'.
task achievement
You provide clear examples to support your points, which helps to make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • live performances
  • TV
  • computer
  • online
  • event
  • agree
  • disagree
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • cost-effectiveness
  • variety
  • options
  • comfort
  • interaction
  • engagement
  • social experience
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