Many people work for money while others say that there are more important aspects of job satisfaction. When choosing a job money is the most significant consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

There is no denying the fact that

money

Use synonyms

plays

Add an article

a crucial

show examples

crucial

Correct article usage

a crucial

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role in our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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While

Linking Words

it is

commonly

Correct article usage

a commonly

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held belief that

money

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is the most vital part when choosing a job, there is

also

Linking Words

an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that financial reward is important

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it offers motivation and freedom.

To begin

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with, many

people

Use synonyms

start

Add an article

a new

show examples

new

Correct article usage

a new

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job because of the salary.

In other words

Linking Words

money

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keeps

people

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motivation

Replace the word

motivated

show examples

to work, it makes their life easier and with less stress.

In addition

Linking Words

, a good income allows individuals to meet their basic needs, save for the future, and enjoy a better life style.

For example

Linking Words

, it provides

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apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good health insurance

Punctuation problem

apply

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without worrying about

cost

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the cost

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. Another point to consider

Verb problem

is, money

show examples

money

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open

Replace the word

opens

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doors to new opportunities. It is

also

Linking Words

possible to say that a great income provides

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

a new experiences

Correct the article-noun agreement

a new experience

new experiences

show examples

such

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travel

Use the right word

travelling

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and learn more about new cultures.

Moreover

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money

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gives you the luxury of spending freely.

For instance

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, with enough

money

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, a person can choose to eat at the restaurant, go shopping, or buy the latest technology without hesitation. In conclusion, despite

people

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having different views, I believe that

people

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with a great salary can have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

great healthcare and

high-quality

Correct article usage

a high-quality

show examples

lifestyle.

roaah06

Jul 14, 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction is clear, but can be made stronger by stating your opinion more directly. Consider rephrasing it to clearly show which side you support.

coherence and cohesion

Try to make sure your main points are better linked with clear transitions to help the reader follow your ideas more easily.

task achievement

Add more examples or details to support your main points. For instance, provide specific types of jobs where money is most important.

coherence and cohesion

In your conclusion, summarize your main points and restate your opinion more forcefully to make a clear final statement.

task achievement

You have addressed the task by discussing the importance of money in job selection, which is relevant to the topic.

task achievement

Your ideas are mostly clear, and you have introduced some good points about the role of money in work motivation and opportunities.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

207 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
basic living costs
job satisfaction
work-life balance
job security
personal growth
high-paying
stressful
values and interests
life stages
family obligations
financial goals
dissatisfaction
burnout
regret
innovation
passion-driven
long-term financial gains

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Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and expect scientists to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes do you like to see in your new century?

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