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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
The line graph gives information about the total
figure
Check wording
number
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 of
visitors
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 who travel to a specific Caribbean
island
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 over a
seven year
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seven-year
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period
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 from 2010 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the graph that the total
number
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 of tourists who stay on
cruise
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ships
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 or on islands during their travels increased significantly and steadily over the given
period
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. Indeed, the
amount
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number
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 of passengers grew rapidly and eventually surpassed not only the
island
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 but
also
Linking Words
cruise
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visitors
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 too.
Further
Linking Words
 significant justification is that the
number
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 of
visitors
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 who stayed on
cruise
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ships
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 breaks through the total figure of
visitors
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 on the
island
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, during the given
period
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, the
number
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 of tourists’ accommodation located on islands was more
excessive
Correct word choice
apply
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than
visitors
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 who tend to stay on
cruise
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ships
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about
Punctuation problem
, about
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 0.4
million
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 (
island
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 about 0.7
million
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,
cruise
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ships
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 approximately 0.3). One of the obvious changes happened between 2011 and 2015 about 1.5
million
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visitors
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.
However
Linking Words
, the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
visitors
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 staying on
cruise
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ships
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 much lower than ship-based accommodations, about one
million
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, but
at the end
Linking Words
 of the given
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period
Add a comma
period,
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 the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of accommodations located on
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island
Correct article usage
the island
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outweigh
Wrong verb form
outweighed
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cruise
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 ship types.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite the fact that the total
number
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 of
total
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
visitors
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 fluctuated over a
seven year
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seven-year
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period
Use synonyms
, it
faces
Wrong verb form
faced
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 not only a decrease in the
number
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 of tourists but
also
Linking Words
 an increase. From 2010 to 2015, the total figure of
visitors
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 rocketed to about 1.7
million
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 after
, until
Correct pronoun usage
that, until
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 2016 it remained constant.
Also
Linking Words
, between 2016 to 2017 it
shooted
Use the right word
shot
show examples
 up too.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, island, period, number, cruise, ships, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • trough
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • steady increase
  • sharp decline
  • seasonal variation
  • cruise ship visitors
  • island stay visitors
  • economic impact
  • environmental impact
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable tourism
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