IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as poor people become poorer and rich people become richer. What problems could this situations casue??what are the solutions to address those problems?

It is commonly believed that there is a gap
becomes
Correct pronoun usage
that becomes
show examples
 wider that rich
people
Use synonyms
 become richer and poor
become
Check wording
people become
show examples
 poorer.
This
Linking Words
 issue has become increasingly serious in recent years, affecting society. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the major causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem and suggest some practical solutions. There are several reasons why rich
people
Use synonyms
 became richer.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are many available jobs offered by richer
people
Use synonyms
 through their companies. Unfortunately, human resource employment will choose a candidate with good skills and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 education level
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that qualification usually will not be with poor
people
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, poor
people
Use synonyms
 need assistance from richer families
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
 will not
make for
Verb problem
be available to
show examples
 them.
ultimately
Fix capitalization
Ultimately
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 results in poor
people
Use synonyms
 becoming poorer. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, a number of steps can be taken. One effective solution would be events for
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 availability which require
less qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer qualifications
show examples
to be
Verb problem
,
show examples
specific
Replace the word
specifically
show examples
 for underqualified
people
Use synonyms
. Another way to deal with the issue is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 government
advise should
Correct word order
should advise
show examples
encourage
Verb problem
apply
show examples
universities to make full free virtual courses and full training
Linking Words
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
 the end a certificate received
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who attend these courses,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will enhance the skills of underqualified
people
Use synonyms
. If these measures are implemented, it is likely that the situation will improve. In conclusion, poor
people
Use synonyms
 becoming poorer
while
Linking Words
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 richer is a serious problem.
However
Linking Words
, we should all try to mitigate the causes in many effective ways
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as cooperation between
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
richer
Correct article usage
the richer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to find a long-term solution.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your ideas and make them stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your grammar is accurate, especially with plural forms and verb tenses.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the causes and solutions to the problem, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear conclusion that summarizes the main point nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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