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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

line graph illustrates the number of participants in five activities during 2000 till 2010.

line graph illustrates the number of participants in five activities during 2000 till 2010.
The line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in five activities
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
 club had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 across other activities,
whereas
Linking Words
 martial arts, amateur
dramatic
Use the right word
dramatics
show examples
 and table tennis activities attracted a moderate
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
.
it
Verb problem
It is
show examples
 worth noting that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the musical performances did not exist until 2005. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 more than 65
participants
Use synonyms
 joined the film club, which was a high
number
Use synonyms
. The Martial arts
participants
Use synonyms
 fluctuated over the whole period between 30 and 35
participants
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, amateur dramatics activity started
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 25 people, before it dramatically decreased until the end of the period and reached a low point of less than 10 people.
However
Linking Words
, the
participants
Use synonyms
 in table tennis were stable in the first three
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 experienced an increase
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50
participants
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the musical performance
participants
Use synonyms
 witnessed a gradual increase
the
Change preposition
throughout the
show examples
 whole period until 25 people in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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