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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction from 2030 adn 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction from 2030 adn 2040.
The line graph illustrates the proportion of the
population
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 in
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 for four Asian countries over
a-six decade
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a six-decade
show examples
 period between 1970 and 2020, with
projection
Fix the agreement mistake
projections
show examples
 from 2030 until the next
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decade.
Overall
Linking Words
, all metrics demonstrated
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 upward trend and
projected
Verb problem
are projected
show examples
 to maintain
this
Linking Words
 trend until 2040.
While
Linking Words
 Malaysia dominated
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of its cities
troughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the period,
Use synonyms
Thailand
Check wording
Thailand's
show examples
 data recorded the lowest ratio in the end period
accross
Correct your spelling
across
 all nations. Examining Malaysia statistics in detail, its
population
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 in cities increased significantly,
strating
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starting
 at approximately 30% in 1970 and rising to about 80% in 2020. It
subsequently
Linking Words
 forecast to reach around 83% in 2040, which is
significant
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significantly
show examples
 higher than
otehr
Correct your spelling
other
 countries.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Philipines
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Philippines
show examples
 figures began at a similar value
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Malaysia, and rose with fluctuation to 40% in 2020. It is predicted to rise
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 around 58% in the end.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 in Indonesia and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 started with
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 ratio between 11% and 19% respectively. Indonesia data continued rising gradually to 50% before exceeding
Thailand
Use synonyms
 in 2000, and is forecast to
almost
Verb problem
reach almost
show examples
 60% in 2040.
Additionally
Linking Words
, after 2000,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 remained stable
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 lowest rate until 2020 at 28%, with future predictions suggesting
will
Correct pronoun usage
it will
show examples
 continue in the coming years at 41%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, thailand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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