IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Free time activities of the elderly in the United States from 1980 to 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph compares the leisure activities of the elderly in the US over three decades, from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the five activities experienced different trends during the time period.
However
Linking Words
, at first hiking was the
less
Replace the word
least
show examples
 chosen, and
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 end it was the most
preferable
Replace the word
preferred
show examples
 activity. As a graph shows, 60% of
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
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 groups watched TV in their free time in
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
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 followed by an
increase
Use synonyms
 to 70% in 2000.
Then
Linking Words
, it experienced a small decrease from 70% to 60% in 2010. At
first,
Linking Words
half of older people went to
theatre
Correct article usage
the theatre
show examples
 in 1980, going to
theatre
Correct article usage
the theatre
show examples
 increased to 30% in
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
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 followed by a small rise to about 45% in 2010.In 1980, only 30% of elderly people read in their free time, followed by a slight
increase
Use synonyms
 to 40% in 1990.
Then
Linking Words
, the percentage dropped significantly to 20% in 2000. Surprisingly, by 2010, half of the elderly population engaged in reading.From 1980 and 2000, surfing the web was not as
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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interesting for them
only
Punctuation problem
; only
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 10% of elders engaged, but between 2000 and 2010, it showed
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 from 10% to 50%.In 1980, 20% of elders were interested
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
hiking
Punctuation problem
hiking,
show examples
 followed by a quick
increase
Use synonyms
 to 80% in 2010.

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task achievement
Try to have a clearer overall statement in your introduction that summarizes the main trends you'll discuss.
coherence and cohesion
You can improve the flow of your writing by using connectors such as 'however', 'in addition', and 'on the other hand'.
task achievement
When you discuss changes, make sure to clearly link the percentages to specific activities to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You did a good job of identifying main trends over the years, especially with hiking becoming more popular.
task achievement
The use of percentages provides strong support for your points, which helps to illustrate changes clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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