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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Sports
Use synonyms
 are often seen as an important part of
children
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's growth, not only for physical fitness but
also
Linking Words
 for developing
life
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skills
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.
However
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, some
people
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 argue that
team
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sports
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 can help
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's professional
life
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 in
future
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. Others believe that individual
sports
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 are far better than
team
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sports
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 for building
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future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
career
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.
To begin
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 with,
team
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sports
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 can help
children
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 develop
skills
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 that are highly valuable in their
future
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 careers,
such
Linking Words
 as
leadership
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, teamwork, and communication.
Sports
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 like football, cricket,
basketball
Correct word choice
and basketball
show examples
 require more than one
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 to play. Where
children
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 can learn cooperation,
leadership
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skills
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 and
also
Linking Words
 learn communication
skills
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. These
skills
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 are more important in
future
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 job sectors.
For example
Linking Words
, in a corporate job,
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 have to communicate and cooperate with other
people
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 to meet deadlines and achieve
succes
Correct your spelling
success
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
team
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sports
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 can be an excellent way to prepare
children
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 for
future
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 teamwork at work. Apart from that
individual
Punctuation problem
, individual
show examples
sports
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Linking Words
also
Verb problem
are also
show examples
 important for building
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
life
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 in
future
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. There are many individual
sports
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 like tennis, swimming, and
runnig
Correct your spelling
running
.
Children
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 can learn discipline, increase their confidence, and improve their self-dependency through these
sports
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. These qualities are useful in
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future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
career
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 where
people
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 need to work alone, handle difficult tasks independently and show
leadership
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 abilities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, self-dependency is very important in professional
life
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
children
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 can learn
this
Linking Words
 skill from these
sports
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. In conclusion, both
sports
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 offer important
life
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 lessons.
However
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, in my opinion,
team
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sports
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 are slightly beneficial for
children
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's
future
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Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Children
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 can learn
leadership
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, communication
skills
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,
cooperation
Correct word choice
and cooperation
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 from
team
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sports
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,
these
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are more beneficial for
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
career
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 in
future
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. Not only
team
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sports
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 but
also
Linking Words
 individual
sports
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 can help
for building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's better
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in
future
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and make it more visible in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points better. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You made good points about teamwork and self-dependence in sports.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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