IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that hard work and determination are key factors for success, while others argue that money and personal appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

There is a debate over what the most important aspects are that lead one to be successful in their life, with some saying working harder and being determined are vital, and others think good looks and having a fortune are what makes the difference. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 hard work and determination have always been key factors for every person’s future prospects, personal appearance and
money
Use synonyms
 are more important as they can create a great first impression and
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
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 self-investment for future personal development. Working hard and being serious about actions and tasks is a crucial feature when it comes to one's success in life. To learn or
acquire
Wrong verb form
acquiring
show examples
 any skill will require a huge amount of effort and time, which is directly linked to the characteristics mentioned above. By doing the same task repeatedly, individuals become masters of any subject or task, as we witnessed more than once in the example of a famous sports
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 and an art
performers
Fix the agreement mistake
performer
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.
While
Linking Words
recognizing
Use the right word
recognising
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 these benefits, personal appearance and
money
Use synonyms
 are still more convenient. Because of having enough
money
Use synonyms
 and being good-looking, those who are in public can make a great first impression, which often guarantees their victory over those who do not. Whether we admit it or not, making a good first impression is key to getting a job or earning a social status.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, having an adequate financial state allows people to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on self-improvement. People who are financially secure can afford different kinds of courses or events, which increases their chances of gaining valuable knowledge and a network that plays a significant role in their career prospects and eventually their life. In conclusion, despite the fact that working hard and being determined are significant factors to consider, having
money
Use synonyms
 and personal appearance are more important, as they often determine a person’s success.

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task achievement
Clarify your opinion in the introduction. Make it clear if you lean towards one side more strongly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. Mention actual names or specific scenarios for stronger impact.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You express your opinion effectively, providing reasons for your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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