IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people with a good education and experience in their field move abroad to work. Why do you think that is? What problems does it cause?

In recent times, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
migration
Correct article usage
a migration
show examples
 of professionals from different sectors of
service
Use synonyms
 to foreign
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 could be
due to
Linking Words
 interest in
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
 growth and financial advancement.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 leads to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
 in services rendered by experts. These points would be explored in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
, development in
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 is one of the important targets set by a skilled worker. Travelling to developed
countries
Use synonyms
 gives the opportunity to grow in the line of duty.
This
Linking Words
 is
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there is
detailed
Correct article usage
a detailed
show examples
 outline of courses and training delivered regularly to
workers
Use synonyms
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
show examples
 giving them the space to learn, become better in their skills and
also
Linking Words
 advance from a lower to higher level.
For instance
Linking Words
, the NHS hospitals offer weekly in-
service
Use synonyms
 training to their
workers
Use synonyms
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
, hence
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 improving their expertise and
service
Use synonyms
 delivery.
Linking Words
Further more
Use the right word
Furthermore
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, financial gain makes one rich
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 in turn improves
enthusiasim
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
,
service
Use synonyms
 delivery and mental
well- being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
. First world regions offer hourly pay to their employees
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 rate. The pay given every 60 minutes after
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 increases their financial strength
thereby
Correct word order
apply
show examples
,
increasing
Correct word order
thereby increasing
show examples
 eagerness to work, good job performance,
self satisfaction
Use the right word
self-satisfaction
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 and
well being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, Lack of expertise and decline in excellent services offered to the masses are obvious
set backs
Use the right word
setbacks
show examples
 encountered in
countries
Use synonyms
 where these people travelled from. With exodus of expatriats to
countries
Use synonyms
 with better pay creates room for
quackry
Correct your spelling
quackery
 and deficient work output
due to
Linking Words
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of
well trained
Use the right word
well-trained
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Study
Correct article usage
a Study
show examples
 done by
WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
show examples
 in 2020 showed that 2000 children died from poor management of malaria
due to
Linking Words
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of nurses in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
. In conclusion,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 obvious that opportunity in
carer
Use the right word
career
show examples
 development and wealth leads to migration of learned
workers
Use synonyms
, its downsides
reflects
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflect
show examples
 in
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of experts and low quality of
service
Use synonyms
 rendered to
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 back home.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states the main points you will discuss. This helps the reader know what to expect.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your ideas.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and make them stronger. This will help show your understanding better.
Task Achievement
You have identified clear reasons for migration such as career growth and financial improvement, which shows good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The use of a real-world example concerning the NHS training program effectively supports your point about career development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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