IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Is this development more positive or negative? (Minh Bui)

in
Fix capitalization
In
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 the contemporary era, many individuals
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 that spending
time
Use synonyms
 on
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
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 phone to answer
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work and personal calls at any
time
Use synonyms
 or 7 days a
week
Punctuation problem
week,
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 is negative. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, and my perspective will be discussed in the following paragraphs First of all, the healthy schedule
time
Use synonyms
 is important
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 people always need to rest
without
Change preposition
from
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the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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job
Use synonyms
.
Nowaday
Use the right word
Nowadays
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, many
residents'
Correct your spelling
residents
job
Use synonyms
relate
Wrong verb form
related
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 to mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 convenient and
easily
Replace the word
easy
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 to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
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clients
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it
also
Linking Words
 causes a lot of
disavantaged
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 to people's health and mental
.
Check wording
health.
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For example
Linking Words
, when you take
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 aside and enjoy playing, talking with your family,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 career or
one
Correct determiner usage
a
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 client's call
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be
the
Correct article usage
an
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obstacle
Punctuation problem
obstacle,
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makes
Verb problem
preventing
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 you
can not
Verb problem
from
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spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
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 your family.
In contrast
Linking Words
, during working
time
Use synonyms
, you can not
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
job
Use synonyms
 if you have
the
Correct article usage
a
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conservation
Use the right word
conversation
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 on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
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 with friends or
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 on citizens' day to handheld
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 might cause many
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 to their health.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, screening online
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 blue-lights causes many
eyes'problems
Correct your spelling
eye problems
such
Linking Words
 as
eye-strain
Use the right word
eye strain
show examples
 or even
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
 In the conclusion, I

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize your points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphs for each main point to improve structure. Each paragraph should focus on one idea and flow smoothly to the next.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task response
You have a clear position in your essay about the negative effects of mobile phones.
task response
You have identified some important health issues related to mobile phone use, showing good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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