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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarize the informationby selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarize the informationby selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given line graph and tabular data illustrate the total consumption of
water
Use synonyms
 usage globally in different sectors
suchas
Correct your spelling
such as
 agriculture, industry, and domestic
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 observation,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture is the largest user of
water
Use synonyms
,
cosuming
Correct your spelling
consuming
 about 70 % of the total.
In contrast
Linking Words
, industry and domestic
utilization
Use the right word
utilisation
show examples
employ
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make up a smaller percentage.
However
Linking Words
, in the early 1900's the usage of
water
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the agriculutral
show examples
agriculutral
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 domain was about 500 km2 per where it continues to grow increasingly till 3000
kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
show examples
 in
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
 century.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Industrial and domestic availability of
water
Use synonyms
 in the beginning was very limited to approximately 100 km2
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 with the passage of
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant change in the industrial access to
water
Use synonyms
more
Punctuation problem
, more
show examples
 than 1000 km2
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 limited resources for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic use
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the table demonstrates the two countries Brazil and Congo, where
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of individuals in Brazil is 10 times higher than
the citizens
Check wording
that
show examples
 of Congo.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the populated area and consumption of
water
Use synonyms
 per person in Brazil is
also
Linking Words
 much greater (26500 km2 and 359 m3) than the
Republican
Replace the word
Republic
show examples
 of the Congo
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as 100 km2 and 8m3 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, km with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • water use
  • worldwide
  • consumption
  • comparison
  • agriculture
  • industry
  • domestic
  • sectors
  • highest
  • lowest
  • total
  • per person
  • availability
  • management practices
  • resources
  • developed lifestyle
  • access to water
  • efficient
  • higher
  • lower
  • significant
  • differences
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