IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Over recent years, mobile phones have become an indispensable tool in our daily lives. However, there are several problems such as social and medical which must not be ignored. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones

In the
last
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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few years, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
have become
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 an
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 important tool in
Use synonyms
people'
Check wording
people's
show examples
 daily
lives
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. There are many various problems it can be
social
Correct word choice
such
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 as
isoltion
Correct your spelling
isolation
 from the real world
or
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, or
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 it can be medical as anxiety or
the
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apply
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obesity.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 there is no denying the fact that mobile
phones
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also
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 have many
of
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apply
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benefits for
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
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to
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with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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others.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Punctuation problem
with,
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 the
significents
Correct your spelling
significance
 of
the
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apply
show examples
mobile
phones
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, mobile
phones
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 can be effective on
Use synonyms
people'
Check wording
people's
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lives
Use synonyms
 in
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 way and help them to
devolp
Correct your spelling
develop
 themselves and learn new skills.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 the apps on
the
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apply
show examples
mobile
phones
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 can be able to help
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn new skills in their
lives
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as communication skills
by
Punctuation problem
, by
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 using social media
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Linking Words
Fix capitalization
Also
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also
Punctuation problem
also,
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people
Use synonyms
 can use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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small
bussnies
Correct your spelling
businesses
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as recording short films.
On the other hand
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, mobile
phones
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 have a
badsides
Correct your spelling
sides
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as social and medical
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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 of using them.
In particular
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 of the social problems
by
Verb problem
caused by
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 mobile
phones
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, using them can be effected on
Use synonyms
people'
Check wording
people's
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realationships
Correct your spelling
relationships
 in their real life and destroy their
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
. Not only
mobile
Correct word order
can mobile phones
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phones
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 can
effected on
Verb problem
affect
show examples
Use synonyms
people'
Check wording
people's
show examples
 social
lives
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
Linking Words
also they can
Correct word order
they can also
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effected on
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affect
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 their health
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can be their mental health or physical health
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
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for
Fix capitalization
For
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 instance, there are many studies
showed
Wrong verb form
have shown
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are
the
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a
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 reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 the
haigh
Correct your spelling
high
 rates of
the
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apply
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anxiety and over weights. In
conclution
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conclusion
, mobile
phones
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 are a double-edged sword
wich
Use the right word
which
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 we have to use
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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carfully
Correct your spelling
carefully
.
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
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 we have to
awareness
Verb problem
raise awareness
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 community and learn them how to use these
devises
Use the right word
devices
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to check grammar and spelling. You have a few mistakes that can be fixed.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for your paragraphs to help the reader understand your ideas better.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and details to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure conclusions summarize your main points clearly.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and show good effort.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Indispensable tool
  • Excessive use
  • Social media
  • Smartphones
  • Access to information
  • Emergency calls
  • GPS navigation
  • Addiction
  • Eye strain
  • Potential radiation exposure
  • Superficial interactions
  • Face-to-face communication
  • Personal safety
  • Prolonged use
  • Quality time
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