Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many

people

Use synonyms

want to earn a lot of money. because

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

they have felt to live a

Use synonyms

happiness

Replace the word

happy

show examples

life.

However

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

believe that the best way to produce a happier

society

Use synonyms

is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. It is often argued that

minimizing

Use the right word

minimising

show examples

the

gap

Use synonyms

between the rich and the poor is key to creating a happier

society

Use synonyms

. I mostly agree with the idea, though other factors

also

Linking Words

contribute to

overall

Linking Words

happiness

Use synonyms

Otherwise

Linking Words

, from a

board

Use the right word

broad

show examples

perspective, both views have valid arguments, and

this

Linking Words

essay will explore both perspectives before expressing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

my opinion. In my opinion,

firstly

Linking Words

, a number of

people

Use synonyms

may have the occupation.

However

Linking Words

humans

Use synonyms

have their own

ability

Fix the agreement mistake

abilities

show examples

, so the result depends on their efforts.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they can not divide to ensure

Use synonyms

happiness

Replace the word

a happy

show examples

Use synonyms

lives

Fix the agreement mistake

life

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

, when I went to academy school,

Fix capitalization

show examples

had to evaluate the making of clothes every month, and I won three times.

Due to

Linking Words

the result, I think some students

maximize

Wrong verb form

have maximised

show examples

the

gap

Use synonyms

from me.

Thus

Linking Words

, a number of

humans

Use synonyms

have to know different abilities

respectively

Rephrase

apply

show examples

that must

ensure

Wrong verb form

be ensured

show examples

gap

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some

humans

Use synonyms

have argued to ensure

the

Correct article usage

show examples

fair decision

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

lives

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, many

people

Use synonyms

do not

led

Wrong verb form

lead

show examples

to make

society

Use synonyms

about

largest

Correct article usage

the largest

show examples

lives

Use synonyms

and

lowest

Correct article usage

the lowest

show examples

lives

Use synonyms

. Always, any

countries

Fix the agreement mistake

country

show examples

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

existing

Correct article usage

an existing

show examples

between

Check wording

gap between

show examples

richest

Correct article usage

the richest

show examples

and

poorest

Correct article usage

the poorest

show examples

However

Linking Words

, fair

humans

Use synonyms

have

efforted

Verb problem

endeavoured

show examples

to reduce minimize

gap

Use synonyms

that they think

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

best

Correct article usage

the best

show examples

way

about

Change preposition

for

show examples

everyone

Verb problem

to have in

show examples

happier

society

Use synonyms

. If they make a policy,

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

and everyone can not discriminate between

rich

Correct article usage

the rich

show examples

and

poor

Correct article usage

the poor

show examples

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

lives

Use synonyms

To sum up

Linking Words

, it can be seen as

future

Correct article usage

a future

show examples

, a lot of

people

Use synonyms

want to ensure

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

society

Use synonyms

that

want

Correct subject-verb agreement

wants

show examples

to live discriminating of their life.

However

Linking Words

, I think they have to know that

have

Correct pronoun usage

they have

show examples

different abilities respectively. They have to

recognize

Use the right word

recognise

show examples

their capability.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they will live fair

society

Use synonyms

yoonhy102

Jul 17, 2025

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Task Achievement

Make sure your ideas are clear and directly related to the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use simple and correct sentences to express your thoughts more clearly.

Task Achievement

You introduced different views about happiness in society.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

income inequality
distribution of wealth
social cohesion
social unrest
crime rates
economic equality
overall well-being
health outcomes
education outcomes
motivation
innovation
equal opportunities
wealth redistribution
economic growth
productivity

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Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many large cities, people waste hours of their time every day because of traffic congestion on the road. What are the causes of this, what solution can you suggest.

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Housing and accommodation have become a major problem in many countries around the world. What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can governments implement to address it?