IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Once children start to go to school, schools influence them on their intellectual and social developments more than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is
beleived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that schools
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a significant effect on
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 manners and their
acadimic
Correct your spelling
academic
 skills than their parents . I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
school
Use synonyms
 not only teach you how to solve concepts
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it is
alsoyour
Correct your spelling
also your
 second home that you spend years inside .
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,
Alot
Correct your spelling
A lot
 of us had experienced a bad company in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 education stage and corrupted some manners and good
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 that
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 had because
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 spent a lot of time with
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 inside the
school
Use synonyms
 .
As a result
Linking Words
 , you will naturally
influanced
Correct your spelling
influence
 him and acquire some of his
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , a
goodness
Replace the word
good
show examples
 friend
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 you how to respect your classmates and how to become a better student by
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 you to do your homework with him and engage your
acadimic
Correct your spelling
academic
 skills and explore your own talent .
Wherefor
Correct your spelling
Wherefore
,
school
Use synonyms
 friends
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
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 impact on your traits .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , teachers and
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 environment
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a crucial role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 your intellectual and
communiction
Correct your spelling
communication
 skills because you
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 about 9 hours inside the
school
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
 , you can learn and obtain new
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 and improve your ability to communicate with others by listening to your
teacher
Check wording
teacher's
show examples
 advice and your own experience that you may face in
school
Use synonyms
 . A recent study demonstrates that approximately 70% of students gain their manners from
school
Use synonyms
 life ,
wich
Use the right word
which
show examples
emphsize
Correct your spelling
emphasises
 that
school
Use synonyms
 has more effect on your personality than the guidance of your mother and father .
For instance
Linking Words
 , if you saw your teacher helping
others
Punctuation problem
others,
show examples
 you
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 follow him
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the same approach .
to conclude
Linking Words
 , parents
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a role in the children behave
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 has more impact
due to
Linking Words
 the long time child spends in
school
Use synonyms
 .
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 , you should follow and keep in touch with your child to be aware
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 bad friends .

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language
Make sure to correct spelling errors, like 'beleived' to 'believed' and 'acadimic' to 'academic'.
coherence
Try to improve the logical flow by connecting ideas more clearly. For example, use more linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
coherence
In your conclusion, summarize your main points briefly to make it clearer. This helps to reinforce your argument.
task response
You clearly express your agreement with the statement and provide some personal insights.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social norms
  • intellectual development
  • formal education
  • emotional support
  • extracurricular activities
  • peer pressure
  • life skills
  • cultural identity
  • moral values
  • academic knowledge
  • mentorship
  • cognitive growth
  • behavioral influence
  • developmental milestones
  • nurturing environment
What to do next:
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