IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some feel governments should invest in preserving minority languages, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the
government
Use synonyms
 should invest in maintaining the least
use
Use synonyms
 of
language
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others believe that
this
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 will not
utilize
Use the right word
utilise
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 the resources in a beneficial way.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before stating my own opinion that both the
government
Use synonyms
 and the individual should collaborate to preserve minority languages. Supporters of the view that
claim
Correct subject-verb agreement
claims
show examples
 the first view
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is preserving minority languages via
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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often
Punctuation problem
, often
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 point to several reasons. One key argument is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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it is not good to
use
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 only the majority languages
this
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 will
lead
Verb problem
apply
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considerably diminish the
language
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.
For instance
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, Arab
countries
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became
Verb problem
began
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 to
use
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global
Correct article usage
a global
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 Arabic accent
to
Change preposition
in
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 daily
use
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 until their
language
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will
Verb problem
apply
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no longer
Use synonyms
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
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Furthermore
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, they argue that the identity of
countries
Use synonyms
relay
Verb problem
relies
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 in many aspects
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
Use synonyms
language
Correct article usage
the language
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 that the country
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use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
.
However
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, if the
government
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 of the country
not
Verb problem
does not
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assisting
Wrong verb form
assist
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 in preserving the
Use synonyms
language
Punctuation problem
language,
show examples
 that means it will ultimately disappear and
it will
Verb problem
be
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replace
Wrong verb form
replaced
show examples
 with a global
language
Use synonyms
. These reasons explain why many
people
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 advocate
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
government
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 support the
preserving
Replace the word
preservation
show examples
 of
language
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I personally agree with
this
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 view.
On the other hand
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, others hold the opinion that
this
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 is not a desirable way to
use
Use synonyms
 the resources. They claim that it is wasting the
Use synonyms
government
Check wording
government's
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 efforts. A good example of
this
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,
Maldives
Correct article usage
the Maldives
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 attract
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 from many
countries
Use synonyms
, if the
people
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
do not
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using
Wrong verb form
use
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 a global
Use synonyms
language
Punctuation problem
language,
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this
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 will result
badly
Rephrase
apply
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in their economic income.
In addition
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, the population size ,it is not reasonable to preserve
language
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 that
people
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
do not
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use
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 for various types of reasons, so it is better to save the resources and the effort of the
government
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. In conclusion,
while
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 both sides present valid arguments, I firmly believe that the
government
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 should maintain
language
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 because it is the identity of the
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
.
Therefore
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, a balanced approach is needed, but ultimately, preserving the
language
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 is one of the crucial things that will significantly affect the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This can help to clarify and strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammar and punctuation to improve clarity. Simple errors can confuse the reader.
task achievement
You presented both views clearly in your essay, which is important for balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion well, tying together the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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