IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

2. Some people discriminate others' hometowns and regions by terms such as Parky or Namki. What are causes? What is the solution?

In
this
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 modern society, there still
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
show examples
 a segment of people
express
Correct pronoun usage
who express
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 their disrespect towards individuals from different regions, even
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 compatriots. In
this
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 essay, I will evaluate the causes and
measure
Correct subject-verb agreement
measures
show examples
 for
this
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 case later on. In terms of the roots for
this
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 case
possibly
Punctuation problem
, possibly
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 by the social prejudice and standard, usually passed down through generations
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 affect people’s awareness and create
one-sided
Correct article usage
a one-sided
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 outlook on life of individuals,
as a result
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,
region
Replace the word
regional
show examples
 discrimination is established.
For example
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, in Vietnam, the Northern folks are always made comments on having stingy fatique
while
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 the Southern ones are considered as a rakish community, leading to baseless
rumors
Use the right word
rumours
show examples
 and remembered by the masses
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
 decades and “Parky” or “Namky” are used to express their negative thoughts about others.
Moreover
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, the disparity of economic advancement can be one of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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when
Correct word choice
why
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 many
populaces
Check wording
populations
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 from developed cities demonstrate a
disrespect
Replace the word
disrespectful
show examples
 attitude towards the less-developed ones, especially immigrants and university students
come
Correct pronoun usage
who come
show examples
 to big
metropolitian
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
for
Check wording
areas for
show examples
 earning and education. When it comes to solutions,
firstly
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,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should advocate
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 public
correct
Verb problem
to correct
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 information about political and
reality
Replace the word
real
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 events in the past to contribute to the change of people’s views about the true status in history, particularly, the previous generation who have been
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 conceptions from the old regime.
Furthermore
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, each individual should
also
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 have a part of responsibility to curb
this
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 phenomenon by actively exposing
to
Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
show examples
 and conveying appropriate cognition
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
pears
Use the right word
peers
show examples
 or younger generations.
For instance
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, a great number of youngsters on social media have shown a mature
comprehensive
Replace the word
comprehension
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 problem and are willing to protect victims from vicious opinions
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as they believe that everyone has
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 and
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 side, regardless of different backgrounds.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the trend of presenting
toxic
Correct article usage
a toxic
show examples
 outlook on inhabitants from distinct areas can
put
Verb problem
have
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on many people, especially children
participate
Correct pronoun usage
who participate
show examples
social
Change preposition
in social
show examples
 platforms might learn
this
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 harmful understanding.
However
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,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
applying some
mentioned approaches
Correct word order
approaches mentioned
show examples
 above can help society reduce
this
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 situation.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Use more clear examples and explanations to support your points better.
grammar
Always check your grammar and spelling before finishing you essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic well and provided relevant ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion structure.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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