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Band 4.5

4. (Bình) To improve the quality of education, some people think that we should encourage our students to educate and criticize their teachers. Others believe that will result in loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In
this
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fast-pace
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fast-paced
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 developing century,
students
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 being allowed to criticise and give recommendations to their
teachers
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 has been a hotly debated topic.
While
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 some argued that
this
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 means a lot of respect and order in the classroom. I support the view that
this
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 development could lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 better educational experience. On the one hand, there are some people
concerning
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concerned about
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 the loss of regard and discipline
because of
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due to
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 major reasons. Two-way feedback between
teachers
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 and learners could possibly result in a lack of regard and discipline. First and foremost, most
students
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 lack emotional maturity and
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
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 understanding of the world’s workings to give constructive comments. In case a student is impulsive and immature, he could sabotage the teacher's reputation by making unfair criticism if he was hostile toward the teacher for giving
hom
Correct your spelling
him
 a bad grade or reprimanding him.
Moreover
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, because each student has a different opinion, it is difficult for
teachers
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 to come to a consensus on what they need to improve.
This
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 leads to confusion and stress for educators who are trying to establish themselves as better
teachers
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.
On the other hand
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, I agree that empowering
students
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 with the ability to assess their
educator
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educators
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 could lead to the betterment of education. To start with
the
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, the
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 core of education is to serve
students
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 and equip them with more knowledge
,
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;
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thus
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, understanding their insight and needs
are
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is
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 critical to being a successful educator. Through learners’ responses,
teacher
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teachers
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 coil refine their methods and make adjustments to their lesson
on
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apply
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plans to better suit their
students
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, resulting in more educated and motivated learners.
Furthermore
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, thí development can help
teachers
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 improve their pedagogical skills
,
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;
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 they will encounter more creative approaches and become more flexible in handling special cases in the classroom. In conclusion,
while
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 it is a fact that disrespect and a loss of order could
ensure
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ensue
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 from equipping learners with the power to judge their
teachers
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, the notion’s advantages
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such
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, such
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 as gaining
better
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a better
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 understanding and
innovation
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innovation,
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 have overshadowed the disadvantages.

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Task Achievement
Make sure each point is explained clearly and fully. Use more specific examples to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between your ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Make sure to check for grammar and spelling mistakes, as these can distract from your main ideas.
Content
The essay presents both sides of the argument fairly and provides a personal opinion.
Structure
The structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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