IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

3.In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods . This is having a negative effect on both families and societies . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s fast-paced world, with the rapid growth of industrialisation, traditional
food
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 is being replaced by international processed foods
,
Punctuation problem
.
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some
Fix capitalization
Some
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 individuals argue that
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 causes negative impacts on society. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
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 view
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the supporting reason will be given throughout
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is undeniable that processed
food
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 has brought convenience to our lives.
Firstly
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,
instead
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 of spending a large amount of time cooking,
people
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 can use fast
food
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 allows
people
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 to have more
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
 to pursue their career, especially for busy official workers.
For example
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, young
people
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 in the present day prefer convenient
food
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 since they just
ought
Verb problem
need
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 to use their phone to book and wait for the dishes
in
Change preposition
at
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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home.
Nevertheless
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, because of its convenience, many
people
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 rely on it as a main source of
food
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, leading to some severe diseases among
people
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.
On the other hand
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, convenient
food
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 has brought many disadvantages to our
own
Correct word choice
apply
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society. One of them is that abusing processed
food
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 can undermine
people
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's health because processed
food
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 normally contains some harmful chemical substances which are used
for maintaining
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to maintain
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 the
food
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. These substances can be the main factor causing genetic disorders, leading to some
non communicable
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non-communicable
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 diseases
such
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 as cancer or obesity.
For example
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, most Chinese
people
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 suffer from obesity
due to
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 the preference
of
Change preposition
for
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 junk
food
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 in
this
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 country,
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people
Correct word choice
and people
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 tend to use fast
food
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 as their main source of
food
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 . In conclusion,
although
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 the convenience of fast
food
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 allows
people
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 to eliminate the time they spent cooking, abusing processed
food
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 can lead to various diseases among young
people
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.
Consequently
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, junk
food
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact on both families and society.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in each paragraph, and provide more support for each point.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your ideas by using linking words like 'however', 'moreover', or 'in addition'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition in your ideas and vocabulary to keep the essay fresh and engaging.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the issue, showing that you agree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction provides a good overview of your essay's main idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • globalization
  • nutrient-rich
  • bonding
  • local cuisine
  • fast food chains
  • convenience
  • processed ingredients
  • sustainability
  • culinary traditions
  • mass-produced
  • environmental degradation
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