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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over of two-year period. Summerise the information and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over of two-year period. Summerise the information and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph displays the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European nation over of two-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, males and females are all displayed
an
Use the right word
and
show examples
 fluctuated throughout the period
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2008 and 2009. The expectations they will be an upward in the end of October 2009. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of unemployed
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 dropped slightly to around 5% in April 2008 and
then
Linking Words
 remained
relatvely
Correct your spelling
relatively
 stable at around
this
Linking Words
 level until the end of July 2008. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 saw rose sharply in October 2008 above 15% for
men
Use synonyms
 and above 10% for
women
Use synonyms
. In January 2009,
unemplyed
Correct your spelling
unemployed
 graduate
men
Use synonyms
saw
Verb problem
apply
show examples
remained
relatvely
Correct your spelling
relatively
 stable around
this
Linking Words
 level until April 2009
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 sharply in April 2009. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of males saw a slight increase in July 2009 to just below
around
Rephrase
apply
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1%
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of females rose sharply in July 2009. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 rose sharply for both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 with different percentages
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 rose
around
Rephrase
apply
show examples
below 15%
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 rose above
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "displays" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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