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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of immigrants to three countries from 1990 to 2001.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of immigrants to three countries from 1990 to 2001.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates information about how the
figure
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
immigrants
Use synonyms
 changed in three different countries from 1991 to 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
 , the number of
immigations
Correct your spelling
immigrants
 in the USA always reached the highest level ,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 Australia hit the lowest point in the whole period. The USA in the first stage reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1400
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
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immigrants
Use synonyms
 ,
then
Linking Words
 it
remarkable
Replace the word
remarkably
show examples
enhaced
Correct your spelling
enhanced
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1800
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
immigrants
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
within
show examples
 1
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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later
Rephrase
apply
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,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 it
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 a downturn
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1000
in
Check wording
thousand in
show examples
 1993 and decreased
nearly
Change preposition
by nearly
show examples
 200
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
thousands
Use synonyms
immigrants
Use synonyms
 in 1996. The number of
immigrants
Use synonyms
 from 1991 to 1996 had an increasing trend
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 just fluctuated from about 199
thousand
Use synonyms
 to over 200
thousand
Use synonyms
immigrants
Use synonyms
. The figure of
immigrants
Use synonyms
 in Canada stayed at 170
thousand
Use synonyms
 in the third year
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
period
Correct article usage
the period
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 ,
then
Linking Words
 it slightly fell to about 80
thousand
Use synonyms
 , but it rose again
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 200
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1996. In 1997 , the number of
immigrants
Use synonyms
 significantly increased
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 900
thousand
Use synonyms
immigrants
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
Linking Words
 it had
Correct article usage
a
show examples
substantial change with 700
thousand
Use synonyms
 in both 1999 and 2000 ,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
 it increased again
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 900
thousand
Use synonyms
immigrants
Use synonyms
. In Australia, it
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
varied at 180 to 190
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 during
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 5 years
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 Canada
also
Linking Words
fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
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 but
enhanced
Verb problem
increased
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remarkable
Replace the word
remarkably
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of
stage
Correct article usage
the stage
show examples
 with 450
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words immigrants, thousands, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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