IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days, fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take an interest in the artists?

With the development of society,
while
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
 plays a vital
role
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
's lives, nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 turn to concentrate on
science
Use synonyms
,
technology
Use synonyms
, and business
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline some reasons and show some solutions to attract
people
Use synonyms
 interested in the arts. First and foremost,
art
Use synonyms
 plays an important
role
Use synonyms
 in every country in preserving its culture,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that, in
art
Use synonyms
 is a good documentary to protect and develop a country, and the arts are past cultural is pass down through many generations,
consequently
Linking Words
, it can reflect directly spirits of
people
Use synonyms
 in a countries and their history;
besides
Linking Words
, with the development of contemporary era,
technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 have a significant
role
Use synonyms
, thank for them,
people
Use synonyms
 can restore old picture, preserve and spread for new generation, which
also
Linking Words
 help country developing their economy and
also
Linking Words
 their culturals.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should have some solutions to develop both aspects, so the authority can collaborate with artists to organize an
art
Use synonyms
 exhibition or a gallery with
science
Use synonyms
 or new
technology
Use synonyms
 for citizens, who adore
art
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 exploration, at the same time,
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need to focus on universities that teach
art
Use synonyms
 or music by adding more smart devices, to illustrate,
art
Use synonyms
 academy in Ha Noi can connect and update their facilities to help tutors or lectures make it easier to teach their students. In conclusion,
art
Use synonyms
 plays a vital
role
Use synonyms
 in human lives, so these days,
people
Use synonyms
 can connect them with
technology
Use synonyms
 or
science
Use synonyms
 to spread them to the next generation and develop their cultures.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas. Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially about how to engage more people with art.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler sentences to clarify your points and avoid confusion for the reader.
task achievement
You have a strong introduction that outlines what your essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, bringing your ideas together.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: