IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

government should spend more money on railways rather than roads to what extent do you agree or disagree

Enormous environmental
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
having occur
Wrong verb form
that have occurred
show examples
 in recent
years
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 raised
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
concerned
Replace the word
concerns
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they opine, the Government should invest more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 railways
instead
Linking Words
 of roads the reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 released by private vehicles. I disagree with the notion that
railways
Fix the agreement mistake
railway
show examples
 and
trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
show examples
construction
Use synonyms
 require
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
investment
Use synonyms
 amount and technical expertise, which is hard for developing countries to afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. For developing countries that still have lower connectivity
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
its area
Fix the agreement mistake
their areas
show examples
, road is the best infrastructure option to strengthen logistics
route
Fix the agreement mistake
routes
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 and expand connectivity
due to
Linking Words
 its fast
construction
Use synonyms
 period. Indeed, it needs multiple stages of work
such
Linking Words
 as visibility study, land clearance, utility relocation,
integrated
Correct word choice
and integrated
show examples
 system preparation,
hence
Linking Words
 it is results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
construction
Use synonyms
 time of around 5
years
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, MRT Jakarta requires 5
years
Use synonyms
 of
construction
Use synonyms
 time before
commercially
Replace the word
commercial
show examples
 operation in 2018, compared to
toll
Correct article usage
the toll
show examples
 Jakarta-Cikampek II (MBZ)
elevate
Correct subject-verb agreement
elevates
show examples
 only
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 2
years
Use synonyms
 to finish. Another issue of
railroad’s
Check wording
railroad
show examples
construction
Use synonyms
 is its very expensive
investment
Use synonyms
 cost. In Indonesia,
Correct article usage
the typically
show examples
typically
Replace the word
typical
show examples
 cost of capital of
toll
Correct article usage
a toll
show examples
 road
is vary
Wrong verb form
varies
show examples
 from IDR100.0 billion to IDR400.0 billion, still much lower than MRT and LRT of around IDR16.0 trillion and
IDR32,5
Correct your spelling
IDR32.5
 trillion, respectively.
Such
Linking Words
 a huge
investment
Use synonyms
 amount might burden a country’s balance sheet if they are just standalone,
hence
Linking Words
 making them
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rely on additional capital injection from foreign
investor
Fix the agreement mistake
investors
show examples
 by creating
consortium
Correct article usage
a consortium
show examples
. Without strong diplomacy and tempting
sweetener
Fix the agreement mistake
sweeteners
show examples
, it might be very unlikely for
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
 investor to chip in to
such
Linking Words
 a capital-intensive project.
Overall
Linking Words
, roads
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the best infrastructure option for developing countries to expand their connectivity
due to
Linking Words
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 relatively fast
construction
Use synonyms
 time and fair
investment
Use synonyms
 cost.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. It's important to show your agreement or disagreement more strongly.
coherence cohesion
Try to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
Add more details to your examples. Explain why they support your main points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your opinion clearly.
task achievement
You have good examples to support your points, like the construction times and costs compared to railways.
task achievement
Your essay addresses an important issue about infrastructure in developing countries.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: