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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, in some countries, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that investing a huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 in constructing fast railways between cities is very crucial
due to
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its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 ability to
waste
Verb problem
save
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 the least amount of
time
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.
However
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, others recommend that spending
money
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 on current public transport renovation is more convenient, because it is more cost-effective. In
this
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 essay, both views will be discussed. One of the main reasons why many believe it is better to construct fast railway systems between cities is
saving
Wrong verb form
to save
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time
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. These days, many individuals work and live in different towns, and they have to spend plenty of
time
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 commuting between various destinations.
This
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time
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-consuming action
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 not only costs too much
money
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, but
also
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will not let
Verb problem
prevents
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 these
people
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to spend
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from spending
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 more
time
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 with their family members or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 other important things.
Thus
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
transportation
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 will allow many
people
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 to benefit more from their lives and spend their valuable
time
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for
Change preposition
on
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 more important businesses.
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
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 the other hand, some individuals claim that the
money
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 should be invested in improving current public
transportation
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, since it is more cost-effective. The majority of
people
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 work and study where they live, and do not commute to other cities on a regular basis. These individuals use
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 transport system as their main way of
transportation
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. Unlike building new railways or making new trains, renovating these existing systems will cost less
money
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.
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for
Fix capitalization
For
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 example, replacing old and slow buses with new electric ones, not only increases the number of seats, but costs less to run, since it uses electricity
instead
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 of expensive fossil fuel. In conclusion,
although
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 investing in fast
transportation
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 will help
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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valuable
time
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, investing
money
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 in the existing
transportation
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 system is more economically convenient.
Thus
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, I believe by improving
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
transportation
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 system, we
not only can
Correct word order
cannot only
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 save
money
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, but we can
make
Rephrase
also make
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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life easier for citizens.

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coherence
Make sure to clearly introduce both sides of the argument in the introduction. The contrasting views should be clearly marked.
cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas better, such as 'firstly', 'moreover', or 'in addition' to help guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Provide more examples or detail in your arguments to support your points. This will strengthen your ideas and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the conclusion, showing a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
You presented relevant points on both sides, reflecting understanding of the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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