IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Experts say if the old people spend time and get along with others and excercise everyday will be healthier and happier .However many ealderly are suffering from lonelyness and lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution

According to
Linking Words
 the
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle and doing some activities can be beneficial for people above 50,
physicaly
Correct your spelling
physically
 and
mentaly
Correct your spelling
mentally
 at the same time,
thus
Linking Words
 they stay fit and they can enhance their connection with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, as people get
older
Punctuation problem
older,
show examples
 they
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their connection with humans
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can bring
depration
Correct your spelling
deprivation
 for them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, retirement
couse
Correct your spelling
causes
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence in
ealderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
 ages. One of the remedies for mental problems
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 group
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is getting
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in physical activities
such
Linking Words
 as
Voluntarily
Replace the word
voluntary
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, cooperating in charities can really increase a sense of usefulness and
also
Linking Words
 their feeling of
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
. Other advantages of being in touch with
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 making friends, which is one of the crucial needs of
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 groups.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they fixed their feeling of
soleness
Check wording
loneliness
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 their joy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, getting old can
also
Linking Words
 cause problems for their bodies
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
muscles
Fix the agreement mistake
muscle
show examples
.
Check wording
mass.
show examples
This
Linking Words
 can be progress and
meke
Correct your spelling
make
 them without movement or grow the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
nursary
Correct your spelling
nursery
 services. Now to avoid that, they must stay fit, do
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 and prevent erosion. To be
persice
Correct your spelling
precise
involvement
Punctuation problem
, involvement
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 whole body is the primary aim.
For example
Linking Words
,
low
Use the right word
low-impact
show examples
 sports like walking or cycling can be good options to start.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I argue
Correct article usage
a solotion
show examples
solotion
Correct your spelling
solution
 for both mental and physical
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 can be
integrate
Wrong verb form
integrated
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as some group
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
, that can put them in a friendly area
while
Linking Words
 they are working on their body. In conclusion, I strongly believe aged group have various problems in different fields
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 their
emossions
Correct your spelling
emotions
 to their movement
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be
solve
Wrong verb form
solved
show examples
 with a mixture of entertainment and sport.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the structure by having clear paragraphs for each main point. It helps the reader follow your ideas better.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct spelling mistakes and improve clarity, such as 'retirement causes' instead of 'retirement couse'.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or details to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You have some good ideas about the importance of physical activity and social connections for elderly people.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well and reinforces your opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • community centers
  • intergenerational programs
  • mobility issues
  • generational gap
  • accessible fitness programs
  • chronic illnesses
  • physical limitations
  • tailored exercise programs
  • physical therapy sessions
  • technology workshops
  • online fitness resources
What to do next:
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