IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better for a country’s economy for people to spend money, while others believe that it would be better for people to save money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Money
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in the functioning of any economy, as it influences
both
Use synonyms
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
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 lifestyles and national financial stability.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
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 some people
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that spending
money
Use synonyms
 can
significant
Verb problem
be significant
show examples
 for economic stability,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue
saving
Correct word choice
that saving
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money
Use synonyms
 is essential in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 run.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 points before presenting my own view. On one hand,
although
Linking Words
 saving can help
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 to cope
Change preposition
with finacial
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finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 crisis, encouraging spending
money
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vital for
overall
Linking Words
 economic growth. When consumers purchase goods and services, it increases demand, high production
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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, job creation and increased tax revenue.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to better infrastructure and more facilities for
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as improved health and education
sysytem
Correct your spelling
systems
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 businesses that heavily rely on active spending
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as tourism,
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
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 industry and retail stores.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 circulation
Use synonyms
money
Change preposition
of money
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 is not only necessary but
also
Linking Words
 stimulates businesses and keeps the economic wheel turning.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 active spending is necessary to
stimulation
Replace the word
stimulate
show examples
 economic growth in
Correct article usage
the short-term
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short-term
Use the right word
short term
show examples
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 can play
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 role in securing
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 for
both
Use synonyms
 individuals and the government. High saving rates
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 stability to individuals for any
furture
Correct your spelling
future
 financial problems, and
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
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 can lend
money
Use synonyms
 to businesses for expansion
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can result in a growing nation.
For example
Linking Words
, when
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 crisis occurred during
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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 pandemic, low saving rates contributed to rising
houshold
Correct your spelling
household
 debt and instability.
Therefore
Linking Words
saving
Punctuation problem
, saving
show examples
 is
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 element for a resilient financial health. In conclusion, in my opinion, a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 approach would be a better choice.
While
Linking Words
 spending
according to
Linking Words
 income to boost
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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,
savings
Use the right word
saving
show examples
high
Change preposition
at high
show examples
 rates for any future
uncertainity
Correct your spelling
uncertainty
.
This
Linking Words
 approach will help
both
Use synonyms
circulation
Correct article usage
the circulation
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 and
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
 financial health.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use correct spelling and grammar. Check your text for mistakes.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points, especially in the paragraphs discussing both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use linking words to show how ideas relate to each other.
task achievement
You clearly present both sides of the argument, showing you understand the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is present and summarizes your opinion well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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