IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The arts, including art, music, and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in the school curriculum?

It is believed that artistry
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such
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, such
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 as art, music,
Correct word choice
and theatre
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theatre
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theatre,
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 is extremely significant nowadays. I believe
,
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apply
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 art plays a key role in human inspiration and helps to widen boundaries of thinking,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why it
is need
Wrong verb form
needs
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 to be taught in school.
People
Use synonyms
 live in a century of technologies where feelings stand
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place
of
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in
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 importance.
However
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, there are arts which help to find inspiration and look at the same thing through the eyes of different
people
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.
Moreover
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, it helps to reconnect with
this
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 fast-developing world and plunge yourself into the mind of the person, considering deeply about
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 feelings.
Due to
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 reconnecting with
chaos
Correct article usage
the chaos
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 that surrounds
people
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, artistry helps to avoid mental diseases
such
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 as depression or dementia.
Also
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,
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 have a positive impact on children. Listening to music, learning the meaning of the paintings and getting to know Ancient Greek and Roman sculptures
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 little ones
to
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apply
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develop creativity and lateral thinking.
Likewise
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, it broadens understanding about the world. If a child gets
this
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these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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knowledges
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knowledge
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 during school time, it will be a huge benefit in their future life.
Hence
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, the arts lessons should be included in the syllabus. In conclusion, artistry is essential for human beings because it
is not
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cannot
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 only
can
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apply
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bring inspiration to
people
Use synonyms
 and help to relax, but
also
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 play a huge role in growing creative and broad-minded individuals.

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task response
Make sure the essay answers both parts of the question clearly. You mention the importance of arts, but you could give more details about their role in modern life.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer and more connected. Try to use linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'in addition' to make your ideas flow better.
task response
Include more specific examples or personal experiences related to arts in your life or society, which would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and introduction that states your belief about the importance of the arts.
task achievement
You show a good understanding of the benefits of arts for mental health and creativity in children.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aesthetics
  • Cultural heritage
  • Empathy
  • Creativity
  • Expression
  • Innovation
  • Intellectual stimulation
  • Empathy
  • Fine motor skills
  • Well-rounded education
  • Accessibility
  • Preservation
  • Screen-centered
  • Storytelling
  • Balance
  • Artistic mediums
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