IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are movements all over the world to prohibit smoking from buildings such as restaurants, bars, clubs, offices and other indoor spaces. People argue secondhand smoke is dangerous and that such laws protect public health. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In
this
Linking Words
contenporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 epoch, the trend of public smoking is very prevalent among
people
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is immensely harmful not only for inhalers but
also
Linking Words
 exhalers. Many individuals believe that smoking
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public
places
Use synonyms
 should be banned
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is acceptable
due to
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 multiple reasons. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 like to
do smoking
Wrong verb form
smoke
show examples
 because they are addicted
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 these days
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 fast
paced
Use the right word
fast-paced
show examples
hectic
Punctuation problem
, hectic
show examples
 life
Punctuation problem
, mostly
show examples
mostly
Use the right word
most
show examples
 individuals like to
do smoking
Wrong verb form
smoke
show examples
 to overcome their stress and fatigue.
Therefore
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, they prefer to go
clubs
Change preposition
to clubs
show examples
, bars and
restaurents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 to have some fun
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is very common in today's world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 everyone has
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
 to enjoy their life.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as bars and clubs are mainly used by
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 to enjoy their spare time and get rid of their personal tensions. Moving ahead, there are numerous reasons associated with the statement that secondhand smoke is very injurious
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 health
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there should be some regulations to protect ordinary
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
Firstly
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, non-smokers when
take
Correct pronoun usage
they take
show examples
breath
Correct article usage
a breath
show examples
 in smoking areas they may suffer from many health hazards. For
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
, a
pregnent
Correct your spelling
pregnant
 lady when
come
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 across
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any smoking person it may
effects
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 not only
herself
Correct pronoun usage
her
show examples
 but
also
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newborn
Correct article usage
the newborn
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is really very
concornable
Correct your spelling
concerning
.
Consequently
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, public
places
Use synonyms
 are for everyone and we cannot prohibit anyone
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In my opinion, public
places
Use synonyms
 are for everyone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should use them wisely. Smoking at
restaurents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
, bars, clubs
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 offices can have some detrimental effects on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 life.
Thus
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,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should implement some rules or levy a fine who does smoking over there.
To conclude
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,

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your main idea in the introduction and rephrase it in the conclusion.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to show the main idea.
cohesion
Proofread your essay to catch spelling and grammar mistakes, such as 'restaurents' instead of 'restaurants' and 'exmple' instead of 'example'.
task achievement
You correctly identify the dangers of secondhand smoke and provide a personal opinion on banning smoking in public places.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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