IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

In recent years, many
people
Use synonyms
cared
Verb problem
have cared
show examples
 about the child’s freedom,
so
Correct word choice
which
show examples
Linking Words
this
Use the right word
has
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 caused a controversy.
While
Linking Words
 in some countries, offspring have very strict
rules
Use synonyms
 of
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
, in other
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
 they are allowed to do almost anything they like. In my opinion, I partially agree that
children
Use synonyms
are done
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 what they want. On the one hand,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enacting and implementing severe laws with
children
Use synonyms
 has many important advantages in the development of young
people
Use synonyms
. It helps prevent and protect them from the risk of falling,
temping
Verb problem
trespassing
show examples
, violating the law,
thus
Linking Words
 they can become responsible citizen of society.
For example
Linking Words
, by increasing punishment and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the age of criminal responsibility, the rate of youth crime in Korea has tended
decrease
Verb problem
to decrease
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 significantly. Young
people
Use synonyms
 will develop more comprehensively when there are
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 that shape trends, moral thoughts and lifestyles
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as being responsible for themselves, their family and society, so they can form good habits of obeying the law, respecting
people
Use synonyms
 around and knowing what
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want. Enacting stringent laws, the government and society have
clearing
Replace the word
clearly
show examples
shown their concern and protection for the development of
children
Use synonyms
-
Punctuation problem
,
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 the future generation of the country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, offspring who are free to do what they want without being controlled by strict
rules
Use synonyms
 will develop independence and foster creativity. If they are given too many
rules
Use synonyms
, they will become self-conscious and not dare to express themselves.
Children
Use synonyms
 who are allowed to make some
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 like interests, clothing and opinion can develop personal identity and confidence. A less restrictive environment can encourage their creativity and problem-solving abilities. When not overly controlled, they can learn to ask questions, reason
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 independently. Offspring are raised by strict parents who always impose on their
children
Use synonyms
 will not express their own opinions, only follow their parents’ instructions without having their own opinions. In conclusion, I think that
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 having very strict
rules
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 should be free to do what they want.

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task achievement
Try to clarify your opinion in the introduction so it is clear what you fully believe about the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next. Use linking words to help the reader follow your ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points and make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both strict rules and freedom for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which gives your essay a clear structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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