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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, schools have started teaching students about criminal laws and the consequences of breaking them. Is this a positive or negative development?

The criminal law is being
thaught
Use the right word
taught
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 as a part of the
education
Use synonyms
 at schools in many countries.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my point of view, teaching them and talking about the consequences of not obeying them
is
Verb problem
has
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 a positive
impact
Use synonyms
. In recent years, the age of committing
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
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 has
been
Verb problem
apply
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decreased. Obviously, it shows that there is a lack of
education
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 matter. It is true to say that ignorance is one of the most significant
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, having
the
Correct article usage
a
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 detailed
education
Use synonyms
 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 may have positive outcomes for the future. It is undeniable that schools have a huge
impact
Use synonyms
 on
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation in the world. Especially, children learn not just science or math but
also
Linking Words
 suitable behaviour for their social life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 gives them
Correct article usage
a world
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world view
Use the right word
worldview
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 and an idea of being
beneficial
Correct article usage
a beneficial
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 individual for their country.
Therefore
Linking Words
, adding criminal laws in the curriculum would
be
Verb problem
have
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 a good
impact
Use synonyms
 on the
student's
Check wording
students'
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 social
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
. If they have an idea of having rules and their consequences of breaking them, they may tend to obey them strictly.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue that schools should encourage, but not compel, children to learn any rules. Since enforcement would
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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impact
Use synonyms
 on their point of view towards laws. In conclusion, the increasing rate of
committment
Correct your spelling
commitment
among young people would be decreased by
education
Use synonyms
 at school.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe teaching students about laws and good behaviour would be a great idea for each
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
.

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Task Response
The introduction needs to clearly outline your main argument. Consider stating clearly that you believe this is a positive development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to help the reader understand the main idea of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, how exactly would teaching criminal law reduce crime?
Task Response
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, which is good for task response.
Task Achievement
You discussed the role of schools and the impact of education on behavior, which is relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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