IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014.

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014.
The bar chart illustrates
rank
Correct article usage
the rank
show examples
 of
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 ten countries
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
China
Use synonyms
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 US, Russia, Japan, India, Canada, France, Brazil, Germany and Korea
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 the
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
,in the manufacture and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
,
China
Use synonyms
 ranked the highest among all the countries.Followed by electric
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 in the US.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
electric
production
Use synonyms
,
China
Use synonyms
 recorded the largest number,with 5398
billion
Use synonyms
.At the same time,
China
Use synonyms
 dominated the majority of electric
consumption
Use synonyms
 with 5322
billion
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 US ranked the second place both
electric
Change preposition
in electric
show examples
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 with 4099,3866
billion
Use synonyms
 respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
,the
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in Russia was dramatically lower than that of
China
Use synonyms
 and
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 US
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 1057 and 1038
billion
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,the electric
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 936.2 and 856.7
billion
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 Japan ,closely followed by India with 871 and 698.8
billion
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the
production
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 was 618.9
billion
Use synonyms
in
Check wording
kWh in
show examples
 Canada.
While
Linking Words
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Germany(582.5
billion
Use synonyms
)
higher
Verb problem
is higher
show examples
 than that of Canada(499.9
billion
Use synonyms
).The manufacture of
electricity
Use synonyms
 was 526.6
billion
Use synonyms
 in Germany.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,the
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 561.2 and 462.9
billion
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
France
Punctuation problem
France,
show examples
 followed by that of Brazil with 526.6 and 582.5
billion
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.Notably,in terms of
electric
Replace the word
electricity
show examples
manufacture
Check wording
generation
show examples
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
,Korea was at the bottom of the ranking with 485.1 and 449.5
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words china, production, consumption, electricity, billion with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • megawatt-hours (MWh)
  • electricity grid
  • renewable energy sources
  • fossil fuels
  • energy efficiency
  • consumption patterns
  • power generation
  • industrial demand
  • residential use
  • transmission losses
  • energy imports
  • sustainability
  • carbon footprint
  • energy policy
  • capacity
  • infrastructure
  • demand and supply
  • electrification
  • energy security
  • grid reliability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: