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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, it is common for women to participate in the workforce when their children are young. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In a few countries, despite having young kids,
women
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 go to their
jobs
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, which is very usual.
Although
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,
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apply
show examples
 there are some benefits,
such
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 as they can grow professionally
,
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apply
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 and learn to manage both work
,
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show examples
 and
children
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's lives, there are some drawbacks,
such
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 as extra money to invest in childcare and insufficient time to spend with
children
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. On the one hand, if
women
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 go out for their professional
jobs
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, they will gain good experience in the tough competition of the job market, which will ultimately help them to be successful in their lives.
Moreover
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, they can manage or maintain a balance between their work and their
children
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's lives.
As a result
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, they will be good at numerous tasks.
For example
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, in India, almost 60% of major well-known companies are offering
jobs
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 for only
women
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.
On the other hand
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,
women
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 go to their corporate
jobs
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.
As a result
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, they have to pay extra for their
children
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's childcare, where they have to search good, responsible person for
this
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 responsibility.
Furthermore
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,
women
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 do not get adequate time to spend with their
children
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, and it is only possible on the weekend.
This
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 can lead to be bad impact on their
children
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.
For instance
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, many rich people are nowadays busy with some business meetings, and going out for work purposes for long days can lead to leaving their
children
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 isolated. In conclusion, there are both advantages as well disadvantages, but
women
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 should have to give time to both home and job.
Consequently
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, it will build a good work-life balance and be a good mother as well.

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coherence
Make your introduction clearer by stating that you will discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Add more examples or details to support your main points and include a broader range of ideas.
coherence
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, such as 'firstly', 'however', and 'for example'.
task achievement
You have included some relevant points regarding the topic.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes the main ideas well, showing an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • economic benefits
  • standard of living
  • professional growth
  • career progression
  • social network
  • emotional support
  • role modeling
  • work-life balance
  • childcare costs
  • external childcare
  • additional income
  • emotional development
  • career opportunities
  • part-time roles
  • less demanding positions
  • juggling responsibilities
  • family environment
  • job satisfaction
  • financial security
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