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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph gives information about the number of books that were borrowed in four various libraries in 2014, with the piechart illustratesthe proportion of different types of books over the four months.

The line graph gives information about the number of books that were borrowed in four various libraries in 2014, with the piechart illustratesthe proportion of different types of books over the four months.
The line graph provides key information about how the
number
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 of
books
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 that were borrowed in West Eaton, Ryeslip,
Sutton
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Wood
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 , and Church Mount changed over the period between June and
September
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. The units are measured in
number
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.
Overall
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, it is clear from the graph that the
number
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 of
books
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 that were borrowed in Ryeslip showed an upward trend,
while
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 the
number
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 of
books
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 that were borrowed in
Sutton
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Wood
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 fluctuated , and West Eaton and Church Mount increased gradually. The
number
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 of
books
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 that were borrowed in
Sutton
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Wood
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 had the highest figures
at the end
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 . At the start of the period, the
number
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 of
books
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 that were borrowed in Ryeslip was around 300 in June,
then
Linking Words
 sharply decreased to 153 in
September
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.
In contrast
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, the
number
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 of
books
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 that were borrowed in Church Mount increased gradually from 50 to 150.The figures for
Sutton
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Wood
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 fluctuated between July and
September
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it was around 250
then
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, sharply decreased to 100 in August and rose sharply to 300 in
September
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.
At the end
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, the
number
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 of
books
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 that were borrowed in
Sutton
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Wood
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 was the highest among all categories.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, books, sutton, wood, september with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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