IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In order to learn the way other people in the world lives, it is better to look at film and video records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

Nowadays, an increasing number of the public pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
culture
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other countries. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is better to watch the
video
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of writing
documents
Use synonyms
. I think that
video
Use synonyms
 is better than written
documents
Use synonyms
 to learn about the
culture
Use synonyms
. The
video
Use synonyms
 records can update the latest news
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
culture
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, the world
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 very fast
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 activities have
switched
Verb problem
changed
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 in order to fit the
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of the public. The
video
Use synonyms
 can provide
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the newest
culture
Use synonyms
 to the
people
Use synonyms
 who are interested in their
culture
Use synonyms
 and daily
life
Use synonyms
. In opposite, the written
documents
Use synonyms
 cannot achieve
this
Linking Words
. A book
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 a long time to compile in order to include all the
culture
Use synonyms
, which the readers want to know.
However
Linking Words
, the
culture
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 and the daily
life
Use synonyms
 often change a
lot
Use synonyms
. Before the book
has not
Verb problem
is
show examples
 published, the real situation will change a
lot
Use synonyms
. It cannot provide the true information to the readers immediately. At the same time, the
video
Use synonyms
 records have another advantage because every
video
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 comment area in order to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
communicate. The
people
Use synonyms
 can communicate
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 real daily
life
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 activities to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others who want to learn. Everyone can know the latest information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the book can only provide the opinion of the
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
. The view will add some personal emotion
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
show examples
 they ensure they do not mix with their emotion. The readers may be affected by the writers. In my opinion, the
video
Use synonyms
 records can help
people
Use synonyms
 who want to know the real
culture
Use synonyms
 better than the written
documents
Use synonyms
 because of the latest news and the comment area.

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content
Add a short intro that states your view and restates the task.
structure
Finish with a clear conclusion that sums up your view.
support
Give one or two real examples to show each point.
coherence
Use more linking words to connect ideas.
clarity
Your view on video as the main way to learn culture is clear.
content
You raise two real ideas about why video can show daily life.
vocabulary
The text uses simple words that are easy to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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