IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some think that movies should only be for entertainment, others think that they could be used for educational purposes, discuss both opinions.

There are contrasting opinions on the use of
movies
Use synonyms
,
wether
Use the right word
whether
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 they should strictly be used for
entertainement
Correct your spelling
entertainment
, or they could
also
Linking Words
 be used for educational purposes. Personally, I think that as technology evolves and
improves
Punctuation problem
improves,
show examples
 we could find ways to implement
movies
Use synonyms
 into
education
Use synonyms
. Especially as the new generation
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 adapted to a developed world where screens are all around
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 them visual learners. In today's world, with improved technology, editing professionals and artificial
intelligence
Punctuation problem
intelligence,
show examples
 anything can be turned into a movie
making
Punctuation problem
, making
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 it easier to deliver complex ideas to students. With how far scientists have come in research, ideas become more and more complex. From understanding the physiology and biochemistry involved in the human body, to comprehending the process of evolution over the centuries and more. These ideas could be simplified by creating videos from artificial intelligence
Linking Words
as
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, as
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 well as bringing clips together that were taken over the centuries to
visualize
Use the right word
visualise
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 how we have evolved.
This
Linking Words
 would assist in building a generation where more people are capable of being in
stem
Use the right word
STEM
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 rather than viewing
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
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 too difficult. On
other
Use the right word
the
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 other hand, there is the opinion that
movies
Use synonyms
 are strictly for entertainment and
education
Use synonyms
 should be through books and paper. With the younger generation consuming entertaining videos for many hours of the day, school should be the time for human interaction,
socializing
Use the right word
socialising
show examples
, building and improving their imagination. If
education
Use synonyms
 becomes through
movies
Use synonyms
 as
well
Punctuation problem
well,
show examples
 there is less room for creativity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is a characteristic that many children lack these days. In conclusion, I can respect both viewpoints
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
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however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 I think that as the world
improves
Punctuation problem
improves,
show examples
 we should be able to adjust and take it to our advantage
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all
aspects
Punctuation problem
aspects,
show examples
wether its
Use the right word
whether it's
show examples
 in
education
Use synonyms
, healthcare or our personal lives.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion regarding the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point or idea.
task achievement
Expand on some ideas with more specific examples to support your arguments better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure you use correct spelling. For example, 'wether' should be 'whether' and 'entertainement' should be 'entertainment'.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument well, showing that you understand the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a clear conclusion that summarizes your thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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