IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

It is undoubtedly true that local
shops
Use synonyms
 around the world are increasingly struggling to compete with large supermarkets and online
shops
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
 , local communities are negatively affected. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem , and various measures could be taken by both governments and individuals to improve the situation. There are a variety of different factors that have led to
decline
Correct article usage
the decline
show examples
 of local
shops
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 and the resulting impact on communities . One of the major causes can be that big supermarkets provide a wide variety of products
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 lower prices . The second reason is that people prefer online shopping from home or going to one large store
instead
Linking Words
 of visiting multiple small
shops
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 .The third reason is that local
shops
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 cannot invest in marketing and technology , so they lose visibility and customers. Despite some obvious reasons described above , there are several actions that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could take to solve the problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , a simple solution would be to raise pubic awareness ,
Linking Words
For
Fix capitalization
for
show examples
 example by campaigns ( shop local ) or ( support local businesses ) to encourage people to buy from local
shops
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of big supermarkets. The second measure would be for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to support local businesses financially by giving them money ,
low interest
Use the right word
low-interest
show examples
 loans , and
taxes
Fix the agreement mistake
tax
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 relief.
As a result
Linking Words
 , local
shops
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 can sell products
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a lower price
rate
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
 , local businesses should launch a website shop to reach a large number of people. In conclusion , despite some obvious reasons , various measures can be taken to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem. With financial support
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and public awareness , local
shops
Use synonyms
 can still survive and thrive.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the problem, but it could include more specific examples of how local shops are affected.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link each point in your paragraphs to show how they connect to your main argument. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or details to support your points. For example, mention a local shop or a personal experience.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well, presenting both the problems and potential solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, reinforcing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
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