IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that the country would benefit a lot from a large number of young people who enter into university; however, others think that the large number of people receiving the education of university only leads to graduate unemployment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that the state would benefit from more
university
Use synonyms
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 only leads to more pressure on
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 market. I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that the
increaseing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 number of
university
Use synonyms
 graduates is good
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 their employment
also
Linking Words
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be
awared
Correct your spelling
aware
. In some nations, many high school students
applying
Wrong verb form
apply to
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 to
pursuing
Wrong verb form
pursue
show examples
 higher education because they believe that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 degree could help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find a better job after graduation. It
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 means that the education level goes up for
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 generation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Because if the educated
graduation
Replace the word
graduates
show examples
 get employed, they earn higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
 might me an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 class to pay more tax to support the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 system.
For example
Linking Words
, in the developed countries, the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education level is high,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
countinuesly
Correct your spelling
continues
boost
Verb problem
to boost
show examples
 the activity of
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 system.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it might
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to a problem by
giving
Verb problem
putting
show examples
 a lot of pressure on
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 market if it is not a healthy
increasing
Check wording
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
student
Check wording
apply
show examples
number in
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
. Those
unemplyed
Correct your spelling
unemployed
 graduates might become some other issues for the society,
such
Linking Words
 as
durg
Correct your spelling
drug
 users or homeless people.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Check for grammar and spelling mistakes, as they can affect clarity.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views clearly.
task achievement
You have highlighted the importance of education for the economy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • research and development
  • competitive
  • global stage
  • quality of life
  • critical thinking skills
  • worldview
  • oversupply
  • job market mismatch
  • graduate unemployment
  • underemployment
  • vocational training
  • technical skills
  • skilled trades
  • functional workforce
  • balanced approach
  • aligning education
  • market needs
  • diverse educational pathways
  • lifelong learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: