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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart below
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 the general
hours
Use synonyms
 of telephone calls in Australia, separated into three groups from 2001 to 2008. Almost
Correct determiner usage
all The
show examples
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 numbers
has been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 changed sharply each
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
. From 2001 to 2005,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 report showed that the total number of
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 increased. That means all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Australian
Use the right word
Australians
show examples
 tend to
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 telephone calls regularly. Especially,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 local calls are the highest at all
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 rose
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 72
hours
Use synonyms
 to 90
hours
Use synonyms
 each
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
. And, the second highest belonged to National and International calls, from 38
hours
Use synonyms
 to 50
hours
Use synonyms
. The final was
Use synonyms
Mobiles
Check wording
Mobile's
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 call,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 increased slowly
form
Use the right word
from
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 2
hours
Use synonyms
 to 12
hours
Use synonyms
 each
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
. Generally,
although
Linking Words
 the Local calls hold the highest figure, the increasing speech fluctuated
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
it tended to rise
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 2001 to 2005 and
failed down
Verb problem
fell
show examples
 from 2006 to 2008,
it was
Verb problem
reaching
show examples
 only 72
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2008.
However
Linking Words
, the number of National & International and
Mobiles
Use synonyms
 grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
annual
Replace the word
annually
show examples
Check wording
apply
show examples
years
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Mobiles
Use synonyms
 has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
changed significantly from 2006 (23
hours
Use synonyms
) to 2008 (46
hours
Use synonyms
).
This
Linking Words
 represented that the trend of using phone calls became
diffirently
Correct your spelling
different
, they tended to use their own
Use synonyms
mobiles phone
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile phones
show examples
 to contact more.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, years, mobiles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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