IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think improving the lives of human beings is more important than protecting the birds and animals. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are comparing the importance of promoting human
beings
Check wording
beings'
show examples
 lives
quality
Check wording
apply
show examples
and protecting endangered wildlife. In my opinion, people should
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
to keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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diversity
Correct article usage
the diversity
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
, but can not ignore
to maintain
Verb problem
maintaining
show examples
 residents’
lives
Replace the word
living
show examples
 standards.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is obvious that protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 can balance
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
, leading to a sustainable future.
For example
Linking Words
, when an endangered animal
die
Correct subject-verb agreement
dies
show examples
 out, its predators will sharply decrease and at the same time, the number of
animals
Use synonyms
 it eats will rise in an uncontrolled way, which will
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 influence
farmers
Check wording
farmers'
show examples
 lands and produce chaos . Only when we pay attention and take efforts to protect
animals
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 keep its balance, allowing people to focus on the
society
Check wording
apply
show examples
development in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is beneficial to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 themselves.
This
Linking Words
 is because chemical and medical development
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
show examples
 on
animals
Use synonyms
 a lot.
For instance
Linking Words
, many tests have proved that a variety of
animals
Use synonyms
 have the same structure
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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, so scientists conduct experiments on
speticular
Correct your spelling
specific
animals
Use synonyms
 to test new medicines in order to fight against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cancer, which is the
sourse
Correct your spelling
source
 of high mortality.
As a result
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
 play a
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 part in
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of many departments,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 is essential to keep their diversity.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some critics argue that the quality and safety of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
even can not
Correct word order
cannot even
show examples
 be
mantained
Correct your spelling
maintained
 in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 developing countries
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 is true that under extreme conditions, protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 is unaffordable for some
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, these are special cases. In conclusion, even
thought
Use the right word
though
show examples
 in some special places, protection of
enangered
Correct your spelling
endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 is unaffordable, which means they need to keep basic lives
Linking Words
firstly
Replace the word
first
show examples
, it is more crucial to protect
animals
Use synonyms
 for
other
Use the right word
the
show examples
 majority of countries. By doing so, we can make sure leading an
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 in
medicien
Correct your spelling
medicine
 and chemistry and a sustainable future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. It will help the reader follow your thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'in conclusion' for better flow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This makes your argument stronger.
task achievement
Check your grammar and spelling. Some mistakes can make your writing less clear.
task achievement
The essay addresses an important topic by balancing human needs and animal protection.
task achievement
You provide good arguments about the importance of animals to human benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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