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Writing Samples
Band 7

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table at the top represents the changes in the
population
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
 City between 1800 and 2000. The tables in the middle and at the bottom show the changes in the
population
Use synonyms
 in five different
areas
Use synonyms
 of the city (
Manhattan
Use synonyms
, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) in the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the tables that in two decades, the numbers increased significantly as the
population
Use synonyms
 of all five neighbourhoods rose, especially in Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island. In 1800, the
overall
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
 City was 79,216 , and
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 was the dominant among all 4 districts in the percentage of total
population
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 , 60,515 (76%) ; the other 4
areas
Use synonyms
 made up only 24% with a
population
Use synonyms
 of 18,701 residents. After one decade, the numbers reached 3,437,202 in all 5
areas
Use synonyms
, 1,850,093 in
Manhattan
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 (54%), 1,587,109 in the other 4 districts , and with it the percentage doubled , showing 46%. Later, in 2000, the
population
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 increased noticeably in 4 neighbourhood
areas
Use synonyms
 and reached 81% of the total
population
Use synonyms
 in New
York
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 (6,471,089).
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 district, where the percentage dropped to 19% as the
population
Use synonyms
 has not changed (1,538,096). Generally, the
overall
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
 reached 8.009.185.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, york, areas, manhattan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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