IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In modern society,
freelance
Replace the word
freelancing
show examples
 is quite common among the
mass
Fix the agreement mistake
masses
show examples
. The reason and consequence of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon can be explained as follows.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
self-employment
Use synonyms
 is justified in that
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 working environment within a company or
organization
Use the right word
organisation
show examples
 is not very friendly to many
employers
Use the right word
employees
show examples
. Office issues,
such
Linking Words
 as long working hours, peer pressure and unfair comparison between colleagues, make staff suffer from negative emotions
such
Linking Words
 as self-doubt and anxiety.
In contrast
Linking Words
, if they choose to be self-employed, they could avoid these problems and have more control
of
Change preposition
over
show examples
 their working atmosphere. Meanwhile, another reason contributing to the popularity of
self-employment
Use synonyms
 is that more
people
Use synonyms
 are after a life full of freedom. Not restricted to instructions and deadlines from supervisors, individuals can work more freely and follow their dreams. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 of creativity can be delivered since they don’t need to abide by stereotypes within a corporation.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should think twice before they decide to work for themselves because
self-employment
Use synonyms
 has some limitations that shouldn’t be overlooked. To be more specific, earnings of self-starters may become unstable, especially at the beginning of their own career， before they manage to target the right customers.
In addition
Linking Words
, they need to pay social welfare regularly by themselves, in order to receive pensions at retirements.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 may need to struggle more to meet their basic demands if they choose
self-employment
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
self-employment
Use synonyms
 is not suitable for everyone considering economic factors. It is suggested that
people
Use synonyms
 think it thoroughly before they leave their companies and start their own business.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your reasons and the impact of self-employment within the paragraphs. This will help your logical structure.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your main points. Adding a real-life example can strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler sentence structures to improve clarity. This could help your ideas come across more effectively.
task achievement
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing your main points.
task achievement
You have identified both the reasons for choosing self-employment and its disadvantages, which is a good approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: