IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and has enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages for a family when the mother works? Do you think advantage outweigh diadvantages?

Nowadays, household chores have become
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
easy
Replace the word
easier
show examples
, because of
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of a number of appliances.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 get ample free time, and
as a result
Linking Words
, many
housemakers
Check wording
housewives
show examples
 have stepped into their
respected
Replace the word
respective
show examples
 professional careers. From my viewpoint, it is a positive change, and there are many pros of
this
Linking Words
 trend, which are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, those who think that it is negative development assert that it becomes difficult for
females
Use synonyms
 to maintain a balance between personal and professional duties. To be precise, at
times
Punctuation problem
times,
show examples
 professional and personal life balance gets disrupted
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of long office working hours. To illustrate, in
Western
Correct article usage
the Western
show examples
 world,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
, and sometimes it is seen that their children get neglected as
ladies
Check wording
women
show examples
 have less time to give them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sometimes it becomes difficult to maintain
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 between career and personal life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those who say that
this
Linking Words
 trend is beneficial opine that
females
Use synonyms
 set an example for the family and society. In fact, successful
women
Use synonyms
lay
Verb problem
set
show examples
 an example before their children, and are recognised by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as well.
For example
Linking Words
, Pepsico, chairperson, Indira
Nui
Punctuation problem
Nui,
show examples
 was not only a successful
buisness
Correct your spelling
businesswoman
women
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 a mother.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is good if
females
Use synonyms
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
. Adding more to it, working
women
Use synonyms
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 financially independent. As a matter of fact, by
earing
Use the right word
earning
show examples
 money
Use synonyms
females
Punctuation problem
, females
show examples
 could earn their financial independence, which could be beneficial for the society and family e

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
Use more simple and clear sentences to improve understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Add a conclusion that summarizes your main points and clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets up the essay nicely and states an opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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