Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others however believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinon?

The idea
of
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that
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teaching
childrens
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children
to become
a
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apply
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good members of society primarily lies with their
parents
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is widely debatable, with
,
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apply
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many individuals claiming that schools provide the best environment to learn about
this
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. The considerable influences of these approaches
has
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have
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sparked the controversy over
its
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their
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pertinence. In
this
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essay, I shall elaborate on
the
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apply
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both perspectives. To commence with, there are a myriad of benefits
reasons
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apply
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associated with
this
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which
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that
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can
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I can
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offer me to explain. The cardinal one is
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parents
Correct word choice
that parents
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have a close relationship with their children and can teach
theam
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them
values like kindness, respect and honesty at home.
Moreover
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, children
sped
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spend
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a lot of time with their family members before starting
the
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apply
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school, which
making
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makes
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it more
valueable
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valuable
for
parents
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to guide their behaviour early on.
Secondly
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,
parents
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can
shar
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share
their own
real life
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real-life
show examples
experiences and lessons, which little ones can
easliy
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easily
catch and understand.
The another
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Another
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view point
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viewpoint
show examples
of contention states that educational
institutes
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institutions
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are the right place to teach social
responsibilites
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responsibilities
. It is
also
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supported by a wide range of evidence.
Firstly
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, schools provide a disciplined atmosphere. To make it clear, learning institutes have stringent rules and regulations, where
childerns
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children
can learn how to behave with others, share and follow rules, which are key skills for society.
Last
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but not least, schools have trained teachers who know how to teach pupils about social norms and community values in an effective way.
To sum up
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, in view of the argument outlined above, I can infer that both sides have their merits and demerits on balance.
Nevertheless
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, I tend to stand by the first stance owing to
fact
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the fact
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that family members
arev
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are
more friendly with their
childrens
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children
and have more
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
experience.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction needs to be clearer. State both views more directly. In the conclusion, provide a stronger summary of your opinion.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further. Explain why the arguments matter and provide more examples to support your points.
language
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar. Many words are misspelled, which distracts the reader.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
task achievement
Some of your points about the roles of parents and schools are relevant and clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • parents
  • teach
  • children
  • society
  • school
  • best
  • learn
  • values
  • kindness
  • respect
  • honesty
  • relationship
  • experiences
  • behavior
  • structured
  • environment
  • skills
  • trained
  • teachers
  • educate
  • norms
  • community
  • diversity
  • teamwork
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