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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the growth in the population in some of the world’s largest cities over three time periods. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the growth in the population in some of the world’s largest cities over three time periods. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given chart represents the
population
Use synonyms
 proliferation in some of the megapolises in the world
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as Tokyo, New
York
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
shanghai
Fix capitalization
Shanghai
show examples
,
Bombay
Use synonyms
, and
Jakarta
Use synonyms
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 three different years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that Tokyo had the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
 number of people in all three years.
Bombay
Use synonyms
 and
Jakarta
Use synonyms
 witnessed a massive growth in
population
Use synonyms
 during the period,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Population
Correct article usage
the Population
show examples
 of New
York
Use synonyms
 rose marginally. In 1970, Tokyo’s
population
Use synonyms
 was slightly above 15
million
Use synonyms
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 it the most populated city amongst others. It was followed by New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Shanghai
Use synonyms
 with a
population
Use synonyms
 nearing 15
million
Use synonyms
 and 13
million
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.Meanwhile,
Bombay
Use synonyms
 and
Jakarta
Use synonyms
 had negligible
amounts
Check wording
numbers
show examples
 of residents. Over the next 20 years, the number of people in New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Shanghai
Use synonyms
 increased sparsely compared to the other three
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 experienced a similar growth of almost 6-7
million
Use synonyms
 natives. In the
last
Linking Words
 phase,
Bombay
Use synonyms
 and
Jakarta
Use synonyms
 saw a massive surge in
population
Use synonyms
, almost doubling
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
since 1990. Meanwhile,
Shanghai
Use synonyms
 and Tokyo's
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
also
Linking Words
 grew
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 8
million
Use synonyms
 and 4
million
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. New
York
Use synonyms
 observed a minimal increase of a
million
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, york, shanghai, bombay, jakarta, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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