IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that
students
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 who get higher
marks
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 in school deserve a reward.
However
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,
others
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 think it is more
essional
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professional to
 reward
students
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 who try to enhance their
marks
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. And I strongly support the idea of rewarding the best view rather than those who are trying to improve. In
this
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 essay, I will delineate my reasons, supported by relevant examples. On one hand, people want educational places to reward the most successful learners to ensure that they stay at the same level and their effort is recognised.
Also
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, that can help in encouraging other
students
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 to focus on their studies.
For example
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 , when an average student sees
others
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 rewarded for excellent
marks
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 , he would like to be like them.
On the other hand
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 , appreciating the effort of learner who are trying to promote themself with gifts is a good thing , because rewarding makes them continue in development.
For example
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 , a study was conducted in the UK in 2023 among 10 lower
marks
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students
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 who wanted to get higher scores
,
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;
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 they found that 50% of
students
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 improved their
marks
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 after getting rewarded each time. In conclusion, both opinions have benefits , helping
others
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 to improve. But in my point of view ,
recognizing
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recognising
show examples
 successful people in life by rewarding is the best thing to encourage
others
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 to be the best version of themselves.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to be clearer and state both views properly before giving your opinion. Try to summarize each view more distinctly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connect them smoothly using linking words. This will help make your argument more logical.
task achievement
You can provide more specific examples and details to support your ideas. This will strengthen your points and make them more convincing.
task achievement
You presented both views, which is a good approach for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion, showing clear stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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