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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that technological advancements have made traditional skills and methods obsolete, while others argue that these skills are still valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argued by some individuals that the technical innovations have taken over everything,
whereas
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe that the ancient
skills
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 and
methology
Correct your spelling
methodology
 are still valid
as well as
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 important.
This
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 essay intends to elaborate on both aspects prior to reaching my opinion
,
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apply
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 in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, technological breakthroughs have led to the development of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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. Over a decade ago, nobody knew about renewable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
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,
whereas
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 now it
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a vital role
to meet
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in meeting
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 the
day to day
Use the right word
day-to-day
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energy
Use synonyms
 needs.
Initially
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, the world used
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
such
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 as coal, fossil fuels, etc. to meet
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
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energy
Use synonyms
 needs. These
sources
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 were extracted from the land using human
skills
Use synonyms
 and labour
,
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;
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however
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however,
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 nowadays it can be done with machines.
Additionally
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, the dependency on these old
energy
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sources
Use synonyms
 is exploiting the environment
,
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;
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therefore
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therefore,
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 the invention of clean
sources
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 like wind
energy
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 came
to
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into
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 existence. Now the job which needed
hunderds
Correct your spelling
hundreds
 of individuals can be done by
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
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 with less cost.
Furthermore
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, earlier people
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 to travel by ship if they wanted to go
another
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to another
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 country
which
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, which
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 almost take months, but now with the invention of
Correct article usage
the aeroplane
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aeroplane
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aeroplane,
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 one can just reach the destination within hours
saving
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, saving
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 time and fuel. On the flip side, it should never be forgotten that the one who invented all
this
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 is a human being. Individuals have the power to develop anything, but no machine or equipment can develop or invent anything.
Moreover
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, using the old traditional
skills
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 man has
came
Wrong verb form
come
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this
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 far
and
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, and
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 those
method
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methods
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are
Verb problem
apply
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have utmost importance because they are the basis
to
Change preposition
of
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 everything.
For instance
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, machines cannot work on their own; even a robot will not work unless given instructions by a person.
In addition
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, technological advancements are unable to give
the
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apply
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comfort
,
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;
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 only a man can give emotional support and warmth to the other person.
To conclude
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, it can be inferred from the above confabulation that technological
advancement
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advancements
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 are meant to make life easier, not to replace human beings.
Hence
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, the
skills
Use synonyms
 and methods which people have can never be obsolete.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to make your opinion more specific.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas better to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors, like "hundred" instead of "hunderd".
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your main points.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion on the topic.
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